Learn to Say No in a Positive Way
No one likes denying their child from having something they want. Unfortunately as parents, it’s important to say no sometimes. That’s why we should know how to say it properly.
Children have the gift of being adorable, however they can also make us lose control. Although they’re usually innocent and cheerful, they can get pretty stubborn when they get something stuck in their heads.
In situations like these, it’s hard to say no to them. That’s why it’s important for us to learn how to say no in a positive but firm way.
It doesn’t matter if it’s your child or not – most adults find it hard to deny something to a child. They are so innocent, pure and sweet.
When we see them sad or angry when they’re denied of something, the guilt can become unbearable. Regardless, we must be responsible and make them understand that life isn’t a self-indulgent playground.
The sooner they learn that lesson, the sooner they’ll learn how to live.
They have to start developing their tolerance towards frustration. It’s much better if this knowledge is shared with them by people who love them.
Don’t worry about being hated or having them angry with you. Saying no to a child doesn’t take a lot of practice. You just have to take a deep breath.
Everything you’re doing is for their own good, so you shouldn’t feel guilty.
Tips on how to say no in a positive way
1. Explain what is going on
Speak to them before making decisions. Explain why you’re denying their request, share your reasoning with them.
Do this calmly without raising your voice, otherwise they’ll get very nervous.
Sometimes it’s better to treat our little ones in a grown up way. They should acquire responsibilities while also learning how to behave.
If you explain to them why you’re saying no in a calm and leisurely way, they’ll understand it.
2. Be alert
They might cry, scream or try their hand at emotional blackmail. In order to avoid falling into their traps, it’s important to be alert.
This way you’ll be prepared when something like this happens. Children know that if an adult shows weakness they’ll be able to take advantage of the situation.
While keeping this in mind, don’t be too hard on them. They have feelings and their feelings can be hurt.
If they react in a bad way you should be understanding and show them that the world doesn’t end simply because you said no.
“Life is the childhood of our immortality”
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe–
3. Don’t feel bad
Learning how to say no to a child is very difficult. But creating limits will prevent them from becoming ill-mannered adults. They’ll discover that things don’t always end up as they want.
Don’t feel bad about it even if it hurts you. It’s our responsibility as parents to educate the new generation – they’ll appreciate it when they grow older.
Therefore, be calm. You’re not a toxic parent to your child, you’re just worried about their future.
4. Be consistent
Don’t tell them one thing and then another. Once your decision is made there’s no going back, even if there are tantrums and tears.
If you change your mind over and over again, you’ll only confuse the child. They won’t know how to react to being told no.
“No” means “no.” Be consistent, don’t focus on your doubts. If your child begins to think that your decisions vary depending on your mood, they won’t take you seriously.
As your relationship grows, it’ll become more complicated. That’s the last thing we want as parents.
5. Be assertive
It’s important to be assertive with them. You can say “no” to something and “yes” to something else. This way they’ll know you have nothing against them – you’re simply saying no for their own good.
You can also make a deal with them. If they’re accepting and obedient you can give them a little treat.
Don’t forget to tell them how proud you are that they’re being responsible. This will make them feel good about themselves.
In conclusion, it’s our responsibility as parents to teach them that things won’t always go as they want and that not everyone will make life easier for them.
Facing disappointing and frustrating situations in their childhood will make them mature. They’ll begin to understand the importance of their reactions.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Carmen, D., & Carrasquillo, Y. (2018). DISCIPLINA POSITIVA: HERRAMIENTA PARA LOS PADRES. Educrea.
- Nelsen, J. (2001). Disciplina positiva. Editora Cultrix.
- Escrivá, M. V. M., García, P. S., Porcar, A. M. T., & Díez, I. (2001). Estilos de crianza y desarrollo prosocial de los hijos. Revista de psicología general y aplicada: Revista de la Federación Española de Asociaciones de Psicología, 54(4), 691-703. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/descarga/articulo/2364995.pdf
- Rangel, J. V. (2003). Estilos de crianza, estilos educativos y socialización:¿ Fuentes de bienestar psicológico?. Acción pedagógica, 12(1), 48-55. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=2972859
- Jorge, E., & González, M. C. (2017). Estilos de crianza parental: una revisión teórica. Informes Psicológicos, 17(2), 39-66. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=7044268
- Mestre, M. V., Tur, A. M., Samper, P., Nácher, M. J., & Cortés, M. T. (2007). Estilos de crianza en la adolescencia y su relación con el comportamiento prosocial. Revista latinoamericana de psicología, 39(2), 211-225. https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/805/80539201.pdf
- Rojas, M. (2015). Felicidad y estilos de crianza parental. Documento de Trabajo). México: Centro de Estudios Espinosa Yglesias. https://ceey.org.mx/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/16-Rojas-2015.pdf