Family Coexistence: How to Restore Peace
A chaotic and dysfunctional family coexistence leads to deep discomfort in each of the people living under the same roof. Sometimes, the relationship becomes truly complex, tension is felt in the air, any disagreement leads to a shouting battle, agreements become unreachable, and the hope of recovering peace vanishes completely. Keep reading to learn what to do when not a single day of peace is achieved.
Why is family coexistence so difficult?
Unfortunately, many families become so accustomed to conflict, aggression, and yelling that these ways of bonding become natural. Therefore, we know that the comfort zone isn’t always comfortable; sometimes, it’s the opposite. So, why do we have to work so hard to get out of it? The answer is simple: Because it’s what’s familiar. And when it comes to uncertainty, our brain isn’t at all happy.
In every social group, there are conflicts
We say that the family is the first socializing agent, as it’s there that the first shared values, norms, and codes are transmitted. It’s a network between people that involves different bonds and modes of behavior. For this reason, conflicts are inevitable.
“Every family is exposed in its life journey to a series of situations that act as disturbing elements of coexistence. Conflict is inherent to the human condition, and therefore arises from the interaction we have with others”.
– Ana Carmen Tolino Fernández Henarejos –
Improving family coexistence
Eliminating problems in family coexistence isn’t a possible alternative. However, there are different strategies that we can carry out to reduce confrontations. In this regard, it’s essential to learn to manage problems in a healthier and more functional way. Improving conflict management becomes a necessary condition to improve the quality of life of each person in the family.
It’s time to do something different
Conflicts within a family group are usually always the same. They repeat over and over again, and this feeds the feeling of resignation. At some point, we begin to think that there’s nothing to be done and that they can’t be resolved. However, we don’t realize that, in order for things to change, we must stop doing the same thing over and over again.
It’s a matter of consciously restructuring family dynamics. For example, if every time you sit down to eat, complaints, protests, and hurtful comments start to emerge, you can try to change the focus. How about playing talking games in which everyone can be included? For example, create a chain story.
This suggestion isn’t intended to deny, dismiss, or sweep under the rug existing conflicts, but rather to break the habit of fighting at the table. Sharing a calm and pleasant dinner will be useful to iron out differences and, at the appropriate moment, resume the conversation and assume a conciliatory posture.
Open dialogue is key
Communication is the basis of any human bond. There’s no doubt that, without dialogue, no relationship will be successful. In a chaotic family coexistence, communication almost always adopts a dysfunctional style: It’s null or aggressive. On the other hand, a family that succeeds in sustaining a harmonious coexistence employs, consciously or unconsciously, an open style of assertive communication.
In this regard, it’s essential to rethink the way we talk and remember that, although you’re different from each other, you’re a team. When the support of a family is love, the objective of working for individual and collective well-being is shared.
For this reason, opening dialogue based on tolerance ad conciliation can help a lot to improve the environment. Each member needs to be willing to listen, negotiate, and give in sometimes. The idea is that everyone benefits from the agreements and the search for balance.
Asking for professional help is a convenient alternative
Sometimes, the intervention of a third party external to the family is necessary. A specialized psychologist is able to understand the family as a complex system and approach therapy from a holistic point of view. The main purpose is to help the family modify dysfunctional relational dynamics and replace them with more functional ones.
Complex family coexistence; don’t lose hope
When family coexistence is complex and not a single day of peace is achieved, the good news is that there’s still hope. It’s true that reconquering tranquility in a home where everything’s chaotic isn’t an easy task. However, with a firm commitment and the right predisposition, improvement is feasible.
Dialogue, empathy, creativity, the collaboration of all family members, and, if necessary, professional help, will be fundamental allies to achieve a more peaceful family coexistence.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Barquero Brenes, A, R. (2014). Convivencia en el contexto familiar: un aprendizaje para construir cultura de paz. Revista Electrónica “Actualidades Investigativas en Educación” Volumen 14, Número 1 Enero – Abril pp. 1-19.
- Hernández, A, L., Ruiz-Pérez, O., Tristá-Álvarez, B. y Delgado-González, Y. (2016). La orientación dirigida a mejorar la calidad de vida en la convivencia familiar y comunitaria. Ra Ximhai, 12(5),101-112. [fecha de Consulta 22 de Diciembre de 2022]. ISSN: 1665-0441. Recuperado de: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=46147584007
- Tolino Fernández Henarejo, A, C. (2011). Luces y sombras de la convivencia familiar. International Journal of Developmental and Educational Psychology, vol. 2, núm. 1, 2011, pp. 541-552 Asociación Nacional de Psicología Evolutiva y Educativa de la Infancia, Adolescencia y Mayores Badajoz, España.
