Are Couples Having Less Sex?

Are couples having increasingly less sex? In this very interesting article, we talk all about this important issue. Read on!

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez.

Written by Patricia Alfonso Molina

Last update: 27 December, 2022

People believe that couples are having increasingly less sex. In addition, they believe that living together, or coexistence, kills passion and desire. However, intercourse frequency in a stable relationship can range from daily contact to annual interactions. This will depend on:

• The years they’ve been living together.
• The age of the couple.
• Other vital or circumstantial variables.

Are couples having increasingly less sex?

Sex in relationships

– Alma Aldana –

During some periods of history, women have been educated to sexually satisfy the desires of men. In other words, they’ve been led to believe that their libido had to be “activated and guided” by another. Thus, women couldn’t own their own sexuality.

In contrast, men have had the power to explore themselves, experiencing both sexually and erotically. Therefore, they’ve been able to make decisions about their own sexuality and that of others.

In this context of eroticism repression (mostly female), sexuality was justified solely as a reproductive means. Therefore, other sexual behaviors were frowned upon. Some examples are masturbation, homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality during (or around) menstruation, etc.

In recent decades, the concept of sexuality has changed. Gradually, it has placed women in a position of knowledge and self-determination. This has lowered the frequency of sex “out of obligation” in relationships. Now, people consider quality and satisfaction more important than quantity and “obligation.”

The choice of a sexual partner

Several components guide humans when it comes to choosing one sexual partner or another. Some may be more important than others, depending on the individual and the vital moment in which they find themselves. Some of them are:

• Intellectual and socio-economic factors.
• Aesthetic factors. You must consider the person you choose physically attractive.
• Psychological factors. There must be character compatibility and value similarity.

Sex appeal, which is based on primitive impulses, is supported by the major histocompatibility complex (MHC). It states that humans select a sexual partner that ensures their offspring a set of more diversified genes. Therefore, they’ll be better equipped to face diseases.

Why couples are having less sex

Both partners need to have sexual desire at the same time, which isn’t always the case. This is because sexual desire follows a hormonal process that’s different in each person. In addition to this fact, other variables also lead to less sex:

• The stress and fatigue modern society subjects people to. You must try to lead a healthy life. You have to respect sleep, follow a balanced diet, and find time for yourself, among other things.
• Boredom and monotony. Sex is a behavior, which is why you must try to include variation, improvisation, and positive reinforcement. This way, you’ll make sure it doesn’t become boring and uninteresting.
• Conflicts and discussions. Therefore, you need to be assertive and improve your communication. When problems arise, it’s easier to address them together, as a couple.
• The existence of small children who still require their parents’ care. You need to set aside some time to enjoy as a couple. For example, try to go on romantic dinners, go to the movies, or take a walk in the park, among other things. Becoming parents shouldn’t kill the other aspects of your relationships.
• The use and abuse of new technologies. For example, this makes you distance yourself from your partner, as well as providing easy, fast, and varied access to other forms to vent their sexuality.
• Losing the complicity that once joined you. Above all, you shouldn’t lose the ability to laugh with each other.

A healthy sex life

According to the World Health Organization, to enjoy a healthy sex life, it’s essential to:

• Accept and value your body.
• Accept and affirm your identity and sexual orientation.
• Avoid prejudice and have tolerance for other people’s values and lifestyles.
• Be aware of the need for personal development, as it implies the development of sexuality itself. Therefore, this doesn’t have to include reproduction or genital contact.
• Appropriately express love and intimacy. This includes establishing and maintaining meaningful relationships.
• Avoid relationships based on violence, manipulation, and abuse.
• Know about the different family types and styles. This way, you can make your own decisions according to your own values.