Being a Present Mother Is the Best Present You Can Give Your Children

In order to raise happy and healthy children, you don't need to be perfect. Being a present mother will help them feel safe and loved.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz Martín.

Last update: 27 December, 2022

Motherhood is challenging. There are countless times when you don’t know what you’re doing, or you feel you’re doing everything wrong. You’d give anything for an instruction manual. However, all you have is your intuition and a bunch of other people’s opinions. When fear overtakes you, remember that half the job is being a present mother. 

Probably, many times, you went to bed blaming yourself for not being perfect. Other times, you blamed yourself for not being more present or for just taking them to the park instead of doing something better.

Maybe, you felt a knot in your stomach remembering that time when you didn’t pay attention to your children because you were doing household chores. And, you can’t forget the day you lost your temper and raised your voice.

The pressure is constant and it usually comes from ourselves. That’s why we’d like to remind you that you’re present and that’s what really matters. You don’t need to be perfect. When your children grow up and think about their childhood, they won’t recall the time you were too tired to play. They’ll remember their mother was always there for them.

Being a present mother is the best present

Every mother has a different story. In fact, women go through different stages throughout their own motherhood. During the first months (even years), babies depend on their mothers all the time. Mothers are their main source of affection, food and support.

Since your baby constantly needs you and cries whenever you’re not around, you may start feeling your identity getting lost. Your role as a woman, wife, friend, professional, etc. fades away whenever your little one needs you. You spend all your time taking care of your baby. Sometimes, the only thing you wish for is a grown-up conversation.

This full-time dedication may exceed you. Nevertheless, try to remember that this time will pass. And, every second you dedicate to your children will help them develop a strong self-esteem. Every time you hug them, they feel loved. And, every time they cry and you comfort them, they feel safe and learn to trust in people.

If you’re overwhelmed, don’t feel guilty. It’s normal to need help and to wish for freedom. Being a mother is an extremely demanding job, so it’s normal to want a day off. Still, don’t forget the importance of what you do and the importance of being present during your children’s development.

Different ways of being present

As your children grow older, they become more independent and you can start delegating tasks. The role of the father, other family members or even teachers start being more relevant. Then, you go back to work and start blaming yourself for not being present all the time. 

Furthermore, when you get home, you’re tired, you have to make dinner, clean the house, and it might become difficult to pay attention to your children.

Be nice and indulgent to yourself. You might think you’re not a good mother for not sitting on the carpet to play with your children. But, the time you spend cooking together is also very important. Things like going to the supermarket, walking home and doing homework are important, too.

Maybe, you think you have to take them to a museum or a theme park instead of going to work. But, every second you spend together doing regular stuff might become the most cherished moment for them. 

When they look back, they’ll remember when you taught them to put syrup on the pancakes, to choose the right fruit and to sing in the car while driving. Then, it won’t matter that day you were in a bad mood, the time you were too tired or the day you watched a film at home instead of going out to the movies. All they’ll remember is that their mother was present. And, that’s what really counts.