Common Parenting Concerns: How to Handle Them?

Raising children is an enormous responsibility for parents, which gives rise to common parental concerns. Self-regulation is key.

Written and verified by the psychologist Maria Fátima Seppi Vinuales.

Last update: 17 May, 2023

“You don’t know what a huge responsibility you took on until it’s right in front of you.” “You have to be aware, but if you think about it too much, you end up backing out.” These are some of the experiences of those who are parents. Of course, parenting isn’t a simple task. And while it has its more pleasant sides, it also involves fears. Here are some of the most common parenting concerns and recommendations for managing them.

What are the most common parenting concerns?

Some of the most common parenting concerns are the following:

• Academic performance of their child: That they adapt to the rhythm of school, that they can learn to fulfill their obligations, and that doing homework isn’t a daily “struggle”.
• Friendship group: Friends are a key pillar in people’s lives. They can be a good influence or not. Especially in adolescence, a crucial stage when young people temporarily distance themselves from their parents, their peer group becomes very important. Therefore, you may find it unsettling if your child finds a safe haven.
• Self-esteem and well-being: This is a concern linked to the child feeling confident, being able to make decisions, feeling deserving of good things happening to them, and being able to put in the effort to achieve. Of course, this could also include a concern for health, that is, that the child doesn’t have to go through any illness, or that they have a good recovery.
• Interests and motivation: This point refers to the fact that parents often worry about their child being attracted to some activity. This is what many relate to a vocation or “something they’re passionate about”.
• Values: The concern refers to the child being a good person, being guided by positive values in life, and behaving in a supportive and responsible way toward society.

How to handle the worries you feel as a parent

Instead of worrying, you need to get busy. That is, move from thoughts to action. Here are some tips for dealing with common parenting worries.

Talk to your child

Be part of their life, get involved in their activities, listen to them, and ask them about them. Don’t wait for them to tell you spontaneously. Sometimes kids think their parents are busy or “have more important things to do”. This is the only way to get to know who your child is and what their interests are. For example, if you’re concerned about their friends, allow your child to invite them over. This way, you’ll know who they are and how things are going.

Ask for help with behavioral changes that catch your attention

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual under your arm. It’s important to assume that, as a parent, you won’t always have all the answers. It’s best to talk to your family or ask for professional help when you feel something’s getting out of hand. Also, set an example. Much of what kids do and repeat in their relationships and lives is what they see at home. So it’s good to remember that your behavior is a source of learning.

Avoid comparisons between children

Each child is unique and needs different things from their parents. Don’t torment yourself by thinking that what usually works with one child doesn’t work with the other. It makes sense. Get to know your child so that you can reinforce those areas where they need more help.

Trust

It’s understandable that you’re worried, but it’s also crucial to give your child the confidence and autonomy they need to grow. In addition, this way, they’ll be able to solve on their own the different situations they’ll have to face. This will help them feel validated and capable. As a study shows, there’s a relationship between academic performance and the support that a child perceives from their parents.

Learn to choose which advice is useful and which isn’t

There’s a whole universe of parenting advice, guides, and tips. Many of them are valuable and others are personal experiences combined with emotions and subjectivity. Therefore, when you share the concerns you feel as a parent, it’s important that you create a filter and choose what’s useful to listen to and what you don’t feel comfortable with. Everyone has the right to walk their own path.

Worry and stress are contagious

The demands of today’s world mean that adults feel under pressure. Therefore, if worry dominates you, it’s possible that a “domino effect” will be generated and that it will influence your relationship with your child. You may act out of fear, control, overprotection, or demand. In this regard, it’s important that you try to give yourself a space for relaxation and self-care and that you take time to think before acting and making decisions.

To reduce worries and stress, you can perform simple and concrete actions, such as breathing, going for a walk, or listening to music. Children are susceptible to our moods, hence the importance of learning to self-regulate.

Therefore, it’s very important that you can discuss with your child and the other parent to review your own beliefs. For example, what kind of education you want, which fears are “real” and which are associated with your own stories, among other questions issues. What you believe about parenting and your expectations for your children sometimes have a greater influence than what actually happens.