Manage Your Anger If You Want Your Children To Listen To You

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez.

Written by Gladys González

Last update: 27 December, 2022

Teaching by example is the first option that exists to move a family forward. What is seen daily at home is what tends to replicate in other parts of life. For this reason, if you want your children to listen to you, it is necessary to learn to manage your anger and take the opportunity to discipline in a positive way.

Although it sounds simple, it is not. However, it is about making the effort to apply emotional intelligence in all the daily situations of life. This tool will make you take the best attitude in certain situations that can test your patience.

According to Salovey and Mayer, emotional intelligence is: “The ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action.”

So before you get upset for any reason, you should analyze the situation and react in an appropriate way. You would never want any of your behavior, which as an adult you are aware that you can modify, to affect the emotional development of your children.

Why do we get angry?

According to specialists, anger is a basic and universal feeling that all human beings and animals are capable of feeling, and is also considered to be of great value in order to survive. However, the key is not to become a very irritable parent.

This does not mean at any time that you should hide those negative emotions. It is normal since human beings experience all types of feelings. In any case, it is about putting your dislikes into perspective, since uncontrolled anger negatively affects all your surroundings.

For example, the moment when your son broke a glass by playing with the ball inside the house. Even if you find yourself very upset because it was your mom’s gift, breathe and explain in a moderate, calm tone why they can not repeat that behavior in the future. Surely they will hear you and the situation will occur without trauma.

On the other hand, if you do the opposite and when the glass is broken you are filled with fury and start screaming, surely your child will be nervous and break into tears. He will be too overwhelmed to be able to understand very well that he can’t repeat that behavior.

Give 5 minutes to anger and make them listen to you

Anger management is of vital importance in all stages of your children‘s lives. As they grow up, it can be a complicated situation in more complex phases such as puberty or adolescence.

Without a doubt, it is important to make the effort to manage your anger and encourage communication from the first few years of your child’s life.

Keep in mind that although the innocence of childhood can cover some of these mistakes that are usually committed as parents, little by little children become more aware of their surroundings and these behaviors begin to create precedents unfolding in daily life.

In this sense, it is convenient to start to manage your anger and detect when you feel that your temper is out of control.

This will then be the time when you should leave and take 5 minutes to lower your level of discomfort and achieve a more positive attitude to relate to your child.

Instead of keeping a distance and being authoritative with your child, encourage communication and discipline wisely:

• Bend down and talk to them in an appropriate tone of voice.
• Looking them in the eye, ask them to pay attention.
• Once you get their full attention, explain the situation and ask them if they understand it.
• Repeat the process whenever needed until it becomes a habit because this way you will avoid filling your home with tension and getting away from your child.

In this way, you will achieve a much more positive relationship and the parent-child relationship will be based on mutual respect and the teaching of values.

Apply these tools on a daily basis and they will undoubtedly help you approach your life in a more relaxed way and constantly strengthen the bonds of affection with your children.