I Yelled at My Children: How to Fix the Damage
If you’re a mother or father, then you need to do some reflection: Have you ever yelled at your kids? Very few people will say no or that they’ve never raised their voice, since it’s quite common for both parents to yell at their children at one point or another. And if you have, you might wonder how you can fix the damage.
Of course, it’s one thing to shout in a timely manner to avoid damage or in a sporadic moment of stress. It’s another thing to continuously shout at your children, every day, at all times. For this reason, it’s very important to be aware that, whether you do it regularly or just once in a while, you need to fix the damage you’ve caused.
If you continuously yell at your kids, you don’t need this type of article to stop; instead, you’ll need the help of a professional to guide you through the parenting process. If you yell at your children every day, it’s clear that there’s some underlying problem. You’ll also need to work on it and heal emotionally.
They aren’t guilty
Your children aren’t to blame for your emotional burdens. They’re pure and wonderful beings who need emotionally stable parents to be able to develop correctly. Then, they can also become emotionally stable adults.
However, if you yell at your children from time to time, when you lose your temper, when you’re stressed, when it’s late, when they don’t listen to you, when they seem to ignore you… then keep reading. You might need to learn to fix the damage that yelling has done to your children.
When you yell at them or say unkind or hurtful words, you’re causing emotional damage. It’s in your power to repair that pain.
You don’t need to shout in order to teach
You might have felt overwhelmed and impatient, angry, tired, stressed, or frustrated. Unfortunately, when this happens, it’s common for parents to get angry with the world. By being angry at everything, you might yell or say things that you’ll later regret, since they hurt your children.
As you well know, you don’t need to shout in order to teach. In fact, yelling will only drive your children away from you and cause self-esteem issues and much more. You must keep in mind that we’re all humans and that it’s normal to make this type of mistake. However, you need to be aware that screaming isn’t the solution, nor is saying unpleasant things.
If you’ve already yelled at them, then you need to fix the damage as soon as possible. If not, the emotional wound will be too deep.
How to fix the emotional damage from screaming
First, you need to know that yelling is never the solution because you’ll cause emotional pain for your children and they’ll feel humiliated. Just like you don’t like being yelled at, don’t yell at them. If you ever have, then you’ll have to know how to fix it.
- Admit your mistake. Be honest and admit the mistake you just made. Also, be aware that you’ve done something wrong and that you did something your children didn’t deserve. You should know that your screams and words can hurt them.
- Ask for forgiveness. If you want your children to grow up knowing how to be responsible for their mistakes, then you have to start being responsible for yours. To do this, apologize to your children for yelling at them. Asking for forgiveness is always good if you made a mistake. You have to reflect, approach your child with affection and ask for forgiveness. Then, promise that you won’t do it again and try your best to keep that promise. Ask for forgiveness right when things happen.
- Have a conversation with your child. Talk to them and tell them what happened to you. Tell them how you felt and that you said things that you didn’t mean. Then, explain why you did it, that you didn’t know how to channel your anger at the time, but that you’ll learn to do better next time. In addition, you can tell them that you’ll teach them how to do better so they don’t feel like they need to yell in the future.
Get help if you yell too much and want to fix the damage
If you think you need it, ask for help. If you find yourself yelling a lot or feeling overwhelmed lately, causing you to lose your patience and control often, seek professional help. You need to find calm and peace in yourself to teach your children from a place of balance and unconditional love.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Ballenato Prieto, G. (2008) Educar sin gritar: padres e hijos : ¿convivencia o supervivencia? Editorial: La esfera de los libros.
