Are You Angry with Your Child? Use These Questions to Reflect

If you tend to get angry with your child, the following questions will help you reflect upon child-raising and your family.
Are You Angry with Your Child? Use These Questions to Reflect

Last update: 01 August, 2020

Anger and frustration are universal human emotions. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be the victim of negative emotions. As adults, we have an obligation toward our family and ourselves to keep negative emotions from taking over. If you’re feeling like you’re constantly getting angry with your child, then it’s time to figure out what’s really happening.

“Our emotions are there to be felt, but not to take over our lives becuase, if they do, they will become toxic.”

– Bernardo Stamateas –

Let’s be honest. Parenting is hard! When you can’t even take a bath or a shower for two minutes without something knocking at the door or opening the curtain, it can be incredibly frustrating. Or, when you have to tell your children a million times to turn the lights off when they leave a room, it can get annoying.

Frustration can cause you to yell without thinking

One way in which many parents express their anger and frustration is by yelling at their kids. But they don’t stop to reflect before doing so. We don’t yell necessarily because we want to. Rather, we feel overwhelmed by the situation and lose control. Other times, it may just be easier to yell than to learn better strategies and become a calmer parent.

Yelling makes children more aggressive, both verbally and physically. As parents, when we raise our voices to yell, it scares our children and causes them to feel insecure. What’s more, it has long-term effects like anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased aggression.

Calm parents, on the other hand, have a calming effect on their children. And this, in turn, helps children feel love and acceptance despite their poor behavior.

There are many questions and answers that you can choose when you’re in the midst of a situation that makes your blood boil. Finding peace is possible! Learn to manage your anger and find a peaceful solution using the following questions as strategies. They’ll help change your inner dialogue and improve your relationship with your family.

Are You Angry with Your Child? Use These Questions to Reflect

Angry with your child? Use these questions to reflect

It’s tempting to fall into exasperation right away, but giving in to your anger can lead to even more challenges. Before attacking your children, consider how you should react. Think about how things will be once the dust settles. If you shout at your kids, you’ll only regret it later. So, take a deep breath and reflect.

1. Do you know how to give yourself a time out?

Children aren’t the only ones that need time outs. As adults, we also need to take a few minutes to calm down and think. Breathe deeply and give yourself time to regain your composure. You’ll be in a better state of mind to make the right decision about how to deal with your children.

2. Is it bad to let your children make mistakes every once in a while?

When appropriate, let members of your family make mistakes. It’s not your job to point out everyone’s errors – just let them make their own mistakes. If you feel a strong desire to point out when people are doing things the “wrong” way, then it’s your ego talking.

Of course, it’s your responsibility as a parent to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. However, at the end of the day, you won’t be able to control the choices they make. Therefore, you need to give them the opportunity to learn from the consequences of their own errors in judgment.

3. What do you prefer? To be happy or to be right?

Decide which of the two is most important: Being happy or being right. Many arguments are the result of a desire to be right. Choose to be happy over winning a heated argument with your children. As a result, your life and those of your children will be much happier and relaxed overall. So, are you willing to make that choice?

4. Are you able to recognize your anger before you react?

Take a minute to recognize your own anger. Rather than reacting out of frustration and without thinking, take a minute to examine your feelings. Imagine that you’re a third party witnessing your irritation and anger.

How does it feel? Where does that emotion come from in your body? Can you feel it in your head, your chest, your stomach? Has your breathing changed? Are you clenching your fists? Are your hands shaking? By disconnecting from your anger, you can obtain a new perspective that will weaken your negative emotions.

5. Why are you upset?

Ask yourself what it is that’s actually bothering you. Did someone hurt you physically? Did they let you down? Did they go against one of your values? Figure out why you’re so frustrated and you’ll be able to take the right steps toward finding a solution.

What’s most important is knowing what’s really going on in order to fix the problems as soon as possible.

Are You Angry with Your Child? Use These Questions to Reflect

6. Do you know how to look for solutions and reflect?

Look for solutions rather than just trying to feel better; acting out in anger is a matter of trying to feel better. For example, rather than shouting when you’re angry with your child, work together in order to find a peaceful solution.

The result will be much more positive and well worth it. You’ll all feel better and your children won’t carry around the emotional wounds for the rest of their lives.

“The way we treat our children directly impacts what they believe about themselves.”

– Ariadne Brill –

7. Do you practice relaxation techniques?

Learn relaxation techniques and put them into practice. The more you take time to relax on a regular basis, the less likely you’ll be to become angry with your child and lose your cool.

Relaxation techniques can also be useful after a conflict. What’s more, if you learn to calm yourself down, you’ll be setting a positive example for your children to follow.


If you’re angry with your child, look at it as an opportunity to find peace. Each time you feel upset, look at the situation as a chance to practice your ability to calm down. Make a commitment to handling your frustration better the next time.

Don’t let your anger, frustration, and annoyance take over you. As a human being and thoughtful parent, you have plenty of options. Look for solutions and peace. Refuse to give in to your immediate impulses, which only hurt you and your family.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.