Are You Prepared for Single Motherhood?
The fact that being a father or mother is hard is nothing new. But being alone, without a partner or person who helps support you in your most difficult moments, can make it even more complicated.
Sometimes the time comes in a person’s life when they realize that they truly want a child, to raise them, love them and give them everything their heart can give. Not having a partner by your side doesn’t mean you can’t be a parent.
Adoption is one common way to become a single father or mother. In vitro fertilization, assisted reproduction and surrogacy (in some parts of the world) are also ways to begin motherhood (or fatherhood).
Research what options are the best for you. But before you decide if you are truly ready to be a single mother, you should ask yourself some basic questions to be sure.
5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Becoming A Single Mother
Why do you want to have a child?
A child should never be brought into the world because their father or mother needs love due to their own emotional problems. The love of a child is not a substitute for the love of a parent, sibling, partner, or friend.
The responsibility of fathers and mothers is to give a child all of the love they need, without expecting anything in return… I n order to do this, it will be important for you to love yourself.
Are you financially stable?
Raising a child costs money, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. It is important to earn enough money to support your new family.
It is hard enough to financially support a family with two incomes, so imagine doing it with just one. Many times it is a challenge, and this is why you have to be sure that you have enough money coming in each month to raise a child.
Do you have a support system in your life?
You are definitely going to need some help and this is not negotiable. You cannot do it alone and you need to accept that. You will need help, especially if you adopt a newborn, and in fact even if you adopt an older child… because you will need to adjust to your new life.
If you get pregnant thanks to techniques such as assisted reproduction, you will also need someone to lean on at times.
If you do not have a partner, you will need other support people in your life who are willing to lend you a hand when you need it. Whether this means picking the child up from school, taking them to a doctor’s appointment, or simply watching them for a few hours when you need a break.
Having a support network is also crucial in order for your child to have a constant source of love and attention, and not all of this coming from you. It could be a grandparent, friend or another person who is important to you.
What’s important is that this person is someone you can trust, who can be there for you at 3 in the morning if there is an emergency. They can give you a break for a couple hours if you need to take a nap, or if you need to go to the doctor and cannot bring your kid with you for some reason. A safety network in these moments is indispensable.
Are you ready for your lifestyle to change forever?
Having a child changes your life permanently, and you will not be able to keep your lifestyle as it has been up to this point. It will never be the same once someone whose life completely depends on you enters your home.
Your schedule will change, your social life will never be the same, you will also have to make adjustments in your career… It will never be the same, but if you really want to be a single mother, that won’t matter.
Have you done everything you wanted to do?
Have you achieved all of the goals you wanted for your life before entering this new stage? If there are things that you wanted to do or personal goals that you wanted to reach, you will have to assess whether you have really reached them, or if it doesn’t matter that you haven’t.
If there is something you want to experience before being a single mother, perhaps you should go for it now, since it will be much more complicated to attempt with a child.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Herrera, F. C. (2011). El último aliento: una fenomenología sobre ser madre soltera. Enseñanza e Investigación en Psicología, 16(1), 165-173. https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/292/29215963015.pdf
- Arbiza Berregui, M. I. (1978). La madre soltera frente a la sociedad. Papers: revista de sociologia, (9), 173-196. https://ddd.uab.cat/pub/papers/02102862n9/02102862n9p173.pdf