Never Put Yourself Between Your Child and Your Ex
There should be nothing that interferes with your ex’s relationship with your child, at least not from you.
Whatever the reason for your divorce, no matter how good or bad of a husband he was – or the flaws that, according to you, he has – there is no excuse for inserting yourself into the relationship that your children have with their father.
If you and your partner are no longer together, you should begin to prepare your children to face their parents’ separation in the best and most healthy way possible. The feud shouldn’t continue between the two people that they love most in life.
Fulfill your role as a mother. You don’t want to take on the role of their father as well.
You, as the mother of your child who you raise in your home, are one of the main people responsible for their well-being, but not the only one.
Your child’s father (now your ex) also has to worry about your child’s financial support, their physical and mental health, their education, and protection.
If it is your job to wake them up every morning, make them breakfast, make sure they’re clean, their hair’s combed and they’re dressed, it may be their dad’s responsibility to drop them off at school, or pick them up at the end of the day.
Let your ex, as the child’s father, share the responsibilities you have. While you’re at it, let your little one enjoy spending time with their dad.
You do not want to become the only person in charge of their education, care, entertainment – their only source of affection and quality time.
Unless it’s negatively affecting their health, wellbeing, or life… or your ex is not the best role model for your child, you shouldn’t make excuses or obstacles to them both being together when that is what they want.
“A child has the right to a father and a mother who will watch over their care; to do their best to love them and raise them and to act as a support who gives them the security and confidence to walk through life.”
Just because you live in different homes and the marriage you once had is over, the child you share shouldn’t have to suffer from the physical absence of their father. Each child has the right to enjoy having a dad, especially the father who no longer lives with them.
What You and Your Ex Need to Do Going Forward
“The best way to ensure that a child doesn’t suffer the consequences of a marital relationship that has just ended is to make them feel safe and loved; to give them the attention they need.”
Even if you and your partner are divorced and the person who was your husband for years is now just “the father of your child,” you have no right to interfere with the relationship between your child and your ex.
You shouldn’t want to hurt or offend the person that you loved in the past, much less in front of you child. Not for anything in the world.
Keep in mind that although you are no longer part of a nuclear family, you have a common goal, a priority that will keep you together for your whole lives.
Find a way that you and your ex can agree on to maintain your child’s emotional stability and happiness. These guidelines can help you:
- Both parents will share the responsibilities of raising the child.
- Never disrespect each other, especially in front of your child.
- Neither of you two will speak ill of the other in the presence of your child.
- You two will listen to the opinions and feelings of your child. They are the most important thing.
- You need to show your child and let them know that, although you two are separated, both you and your ex love them very much and you will continue supporting them in their life.
- You will never put your child in the middle of any of the disagreements that you, as adults, have.
- You will never use your child as a weapon of attack to hurt each other.
Between Your Child and Your Ex…
There should be nothing but love, healthy and open communication, trust, respect, and admiration between your child and your ex. Whatever you can do to reinforce this, do it.
“A father and mother must always be willing to place aside their discrepancies and to put their shared child first.”