7 Keys of Communicating with Your Partner

Communication is a fundamental part of any relationship, especially when it comes to couples. Showing interest in one another and your preferences, recognizing each other's feelings, and practicing mutual respect are some of the keys of communicating with your partner.
7 Keys of Communicating with Your Partner
María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez.

Last update: 27 December, 2022

Good communication within a couple makes problem resolution easier in the present and in the future. It also helps parents demonstrate unity and coherence to their children, something very beneficial when raising a family. In today’s article, we’ll reveal seven keys of communicating with your partner.

1. Show interest in what your partner has to say during a conversation

When it comes to communicating, we often listen in order to respond rather than listen to understand. This is one of the biggest problems we face in communication. 

When we’re talking, we all have a desire for others to listen attentively. When it comes to couples, a lack of attentive listening causes serious damage to the relationship.

When we’re listening to a complaint, we tend to start thinking of how we want to respond. This distracts our attention from what our partner is actually saying, and keeps us from understanding how they feel. Don’t treat the arguments you have with your partner as a competition where one side wins and the other side loses.

“The first duty of love is to listen.”

–Paul Tillich–

2. Speak in first person when communicating with your partner

If you want to keep the peace when talking about an issue with your partner, it’s essential that you use the pronoun “I.” This the best way to let your partner know that something is bothering you.

On the contrary, if you point the finger and talk about your partner, your message will come across as critical and accusatory. For example, avoid saying things like: “You always embarrass me in front of your parents.” A better option would be to say: “I didn’t feel very supported last night when we had dinner with your parents.”

7 Keys of Communicating with Your Partner

3. Avoid showing disgust towards your partner

According to the bestselling author Arielle Ford, expressing disdain is the main reason why couple separate. Ford states that disdain, becoming defensive, being evasive, and expressing constant criticism are the four factors that destroy a couple.

If your partner feels restricted or self-conscious when speaking to you, then he or she won’t feel comfortable. This will lead to ineffective or nonexistent communication in your relationship. As a consequence, your partner won’t feel free to express who he or she is when with you.

4. Choose the right time to talk about important issues

Many times, a conversation can quickly go south simply because we don’t wait for the right moment to initiate it. But how can we know when’s the right time?

Arielle Ford suggests starting with this simple phrase: “Do you think it’s a good time for us to talk? There’s an issue that I’m finding difficult and I need to talk to you about it.” If your partner tells you the time isn’t right, ask him or her when a good time would be.

It’s extremely important not to make your partner feel obligated to talk at a given time. If your partner works or studies or is very tired, try to be patient and wait for a better moment to talk. Otherwise, your conversation is likely to turn into an ugly argument fast.

5. Show interest in your partner’s likes and interests when communicating

Talking about the interests you have in common is the best way to connect with someone and communicate with your partner. If you wish to have pleasant conversations with your partner, find out about his or her likes. That way, conversation will flow much more smoothly, which will be very beneficial for your relationship.

Therefore, it’s important for partners to listen to one another when they talk about their interests. This is one of the most important keys of communicating with your partner.

If your partner notices that you don’t care about his or her likes and that you’re not interested in talking about them, then you’re causing a barrier in communication

6. Talk about the issue at hand

When couples are having an argument, it’s common for them to bring up issues from the past. At the same time, we often make points that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. This is especially true when things get heated.

7 Keys of Communicating with Your Partner

When other problems arise when you’re having a conversation with your partner, drop it. Agree to talk about it at a later time, but with one condition – the issue needs to be dealt with.

You can’t pretend that you and your partner will come to an agreement every time you talk. If you do, this will only produce tension and conflict. Sometimes it’s better to pause and come back later.

7. Talk about how you feel when you talk with your partner

Normally, in an argument, we tend to criticize our partner in what we have to say. When we do, this causes our partner to feel attacked and become defensive.

One of the most necessary keys of communicating with your partner is not pointing fingers. Rather, talk about how you feel.

Orient your discourse on explaining how you’ve been feeling and express your emotions. In doing so, you’ll guide the conversation towards a warmer and more understanding tone.

In conclusion, we should never overlook the importance of good communication with your partner. Respect, showing interest, knowing how to listen, and recognizing each other’s feelings are all keys to making your relationship last.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • De Lourdes, L. (2007). Entendiendo a la pareja: marcos teóricos para el trabajo terapéutico. Editorial Pax México. México D.F.
  • Ford, A. (2017). Convierta a su pareja en su alma gemela. HarperCollins. Estados Unidos: Tennessee.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.