I'm a Mom, Not Your Maid

I'm a Mom, Not Your Maid

Last update: 07 November, 2017

“I’m a mom.” What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear this phrase? Joy, satisfaction, and happiness, or sacrifice and despair? Although the arrival of your child is possibly the most important moment of your life and best expressed with the word “happiness,” a big question arises with all the problems at home: am I a mom or am I a maid?

Who should assume the burden of domestic chores? Must moms be maids? Is it possible to get children to help around the house when they think they are too exhausted with their own tasks? And the most important question is: how will this affect my child in adulthood? 

Being a good mother, wife or person does not mean spending eternity cleaning your house. If you stop seeing your family and friends for too long, they will start making their lives without you. Trust me.

-Constance Hall-

i'm a mom, not a servant

I’m a mom, not your maid

In most homes, especially in Western countries, there is a bad habit of children only receiving and not giving, causing a big problem in adulthood and making them mistakenly believe that Mom will be their personal servant.

We might come to think that this is only a problem of education and, therefore, to minimize the matter, we naively believe that it will be resolved without further setbacks in adulthood. What is certain is that first you must have a clear concept of being a mother and not a maid.

Then you must make it clear to your child: I’m a mom, not your maid.

Could it affect your child’s later development? Will he have a distorted view of women in adulthood? Will you see benefits if you address it immediately? Undoubtedly, it will depend on the importance you give to the issue and how much you are willing to create an environment of collaboration and mutual help in your home.

What can be done

The right thing to do after detecting the problem, or even before it arises, is to act without delay. For your goal to be achieved and your child to not see you as a servant or supermom who doesn’t need help from anyone, first you must discard that idea in your own mind.

Start by assigning tasks to your child while they’re young

Experts recommend starting at two years old or younger. For example, children can pick up their toys, pick up whatever they have thrown on the floor or bring their clothes to the hamper.

Logically, assign age-appropriate tasks, such as making the bed, loading the washing machine or even cooking when there is no danger in it. Always resist the urge to finish the task for them because they feel tired or because they do not do it the way you would.

toddler in kitchen wearing a chef hat

The goal is not for your child to do the task the same way as an adult, but to help him change his perception that you’re the maid who does everything at home. Your child must see, from an early age, the effort that goes into each task in order to appreciate them and thus become a responsible adult.

Help your child see the importance of helping others

When tasks are assigned to children in the home, they begin to put the needs of others before their own, which causes them to naturally help others and, therefore, become a generous and responsible adult.

There is more happiness in giving than in receiving.

-Biblical quote-

In this way, you can reach your desired goal: for your child to have a clear perspective of adult life and to not believe that everyone will be at his or her service, including you, mom!

Therefore, if you want to be a happy mom and raise a mature and responsible child, you must teach your child from an early age to see that they have their own responsibilities at home. Then you won’t have to say, “I’m a mom, not your maid.”

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Bowlby, J. (1986). Vínculos afectivos: formación, desarrollo y pérdida. Madrid: Morata.
  • Bowlby, J. (1995). Teoría del apego. Lebovici, Weil-HalpernF.
  • Garrido-Rojas, L. (2006). Apego, emoción y regulación emocional. Implicaciones para la salud. Revista latinoamericana de psicología, 38(3), 493-507. https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/805/80538304.pdf
  • Marrone, M., Diamond, N., Juri, L., & Bleichmar, H. (2001). La teoría del apego: un enfoque actual. Madrid: Psimática.
  • Moneta, M. (2003). El Apego. Aspectos clínicos y psicobiológicos de la díada madre-hijo. Santiago: Cuatro Vientos.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.