No, Motherhood Doesn’t Ruin Your Friendships

· January 6, 2018

When we become mothers, many things change, including our social lives and friendships.

Motherhood is of course a beautiful time in our lives. But it can also be a sad one, as it often makes us realize that some people are not up to the challenge.

There are people who we thought would support us during this stage, who instead chose to drift away. We often think that we are the ones to blame, but this is not always true.

Motherhood doesn’t ruin your friendships, it just makes the ones that are worth it last.

However, you will have to make an effort. When friendships break down, usually neither person is completely to blame. In taking on your new role as a mother, you may have neglected the very people who always supported you.

Maybe it was you who drifted away, or maybe there was a misunderstanding.

Or perhaps the people who you once called friends were not what you thought. 

What can I do to get my friends back?

If you think that you might have been the one responsible, don’t let that stop you from making amends. Be aware of your mistakes and try to make up for them.

Try to get back in touch with your friends, and invite them to be a part of your child’s life.

Say sorry

This is a simple way to admit that you accept your share of the blame. If you think that you have hurt someone’s feelings, say sorry.

Accept that you have not done the right thing, and demonstrate that you are still the same person as before. If your friendship is real, the other person will know how to forgive you.

Show interest in them

Show them that you are not self-centered, and ask them how everything is going. You are not the only person in the world with problems.

Try to support your friends, listen to them and show interest in their lives. Nobody likes people who only think about themselves.

motherhood doesn't ruin friendships

Don’t talk about your child all the time

Diapers and bottles are not the only things in life. It’s good for you to talk to your friends about your baby, but don’t take over every conversation.

If the only things you talk about are your baby and your child, they will eventually get tired. Being a mom doesn’t mean leaving aside all your other interests.

Try to involve them in your child’s life

Invite them to participate in your child’s life. Friends are the family we choose, and support us when our blood relatives can’t or won’t be there.

Some children grow up with their mom and dad’s friends as godparents, and love them like aunts and uncles. After all, if something happens to you, you will want your child to be in the care of someone you can absolutely trust.

Keep in touch

Today, thanks to the internet and social networks, it is much easier to keep our friendships alive. Talk to them whenever you can. Tell them what is going on in your life and find out what is happening in theirs.

You don’t need to be online all day, just enough to keep up to date with their latest news. It doesn’t matter if you are near or far: they will always be there for you.

The only way to have a friend is to be one

-Ralph Waldo Emerson-

When you don’t change, but those around you do

having friendships during motherhood

If it is others who have distanced themselves from you despite your best efforts, don’t let it get you down. This is life’s way of getting rid of toxic people, who were only with you in the good times.

You have the right to be disappointed and saddened by this, but don’t give it too much thought. You have learned to recognize people who are not good for you, so keep away from them as much as possible.

Some features of toxic people

  • They don’t care about you or your baby. They never ask how you are doing or offer their help.
  • Sometimes they pretend to be concerned, but when you need them they are never there.
  • They lie to you. 
  • Whenever you invite them to one of your child’s events, they invent excuses not to go.
  • The only time they pick up the phone or read your messages is when it suits them.
  • They make you feel alone and isolated. 
  • They criticize you all the time, and don’t understand that your priorities are different to theirs.

If someone around you is acting like this, keep your distance. They are not to be trusted, and do not deserve to be in your life. Take advantage of this new stage.

Being a mom will also give you the opportunity to meet new people who are going through similar things, and establish new friendships.

The school gate, parks and nurseries are all great places to meet other moms as you go about your routine with your child.

You can also try joining clubs, courses and groups to meet people with similar interests as you.