Are You a Toxic Mother?
Do you think you might be a toxic mother? Find out in this article if you have the characteristics.
A toxic mother is a woman who arrived at motherhood by convention, because that is how her script of life was written and because that is what was expected of her.
Are you a toxic mother?
Many mothers are not aware that they are toxic.
The behavior of these toxic mothers is simply due to certain features in their personalities.
They are usually very dominant and strong women who always need to have things under control. People who believe that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness and thus prefer to keep emotional distance. They are also narcissistic and self-centered.
At the base of this parenting style is usually a lot of insecurity, since this style is a way to reaffirm and gain confidence.
Traits of a toxic mother
Toxic mothers are those who have a negative view of the world. They can be destructive, too controlling or overprotective. This has a negative effect on a child’s personal growth.
They are excessively controlling.
Usually, a toxic mother is a person who feels the need to have everything under control in every aspect of life. In the same way they try to control every aspect of their children’s life.
Exercising control is their way of expressing love and affection for others. Therefore, they see their parenting style as positive and necessary for their relationship with their children.
They use manipulation to achieve their goals
When their children try to be independent, these mothers often get offended.
This way their children change or hide their conduct in order to prevent their mother from being upset.
In many cases, their children end up doing things they they don’t want to do. This in turn makes them accumulate resentment towards their mother, since they are being emotionally blackmailed.
They seek to be the center of attention at all times
Toxic mothers have conflicting desires.
On the one hand, she wants her child to succeed in whatever they want to do and achieve all their goals. However, on the other hand, she doesn’t want her children to surpass her own accomplishments.
On the one hand they express to their children that they have to triumph in life and reach for the stars. However, on the other hand they are secretly afraid that they will stop being the center of attention.
Sometimes toxic mothers use the guise of different diseases and ailments in order to have their children’s attention at all times.
They use manipulation and conflicting arguments to always get their way.
They are excessively authoritarian
Everything must be done according to their criteria. They do not allow their children to have other opinions or alternative ideas.
It is also common for them to give their opinion regarding everything.
This leads to clashes with the child as they begin to disassociate from the relationship and start to show greater independence.
How to not be a toxic mother
Firstly, you have to realize that you are able to change.
You will have to try to change the way you relate with your child. Try to achieve more self-control, improve your social skills and try to communicate in an assertive way rather than being aggressive.
“He who wants to do something will ways find the means. He who does not want to do anything, will always find an excuse” – Arab proverb.
You should also never forget these little tips:
- You are a mother, not a friend
- Do not compete with your child
- You are mother, not a child
- You do not have to have control over everything
- Do not use emotional blackmail
- Be more flexible
- Learn to laugh
- Be self-critical
Using these tips, you will enjoy more of life and the people around you. You will also notice that your family and friends will also enjoy their time with you more.
Congratulations, you have gone from being a toxic mother to a more loving mother that makes life pleasant for others. You have started an internal process of continuous change.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Rojas-Marcos, L. (2014). La familia: De relaciones tóxicas a relaciones sanas. Grijalbo.
- Forward, S. (2010). Toxic Parents. Random House.
- FRIEDMAN, R. A. (2009). When Parents Are Too Toxic to Tolerate. New York Times. https://www.betterdaysandnights.com/When%20Parents%20Are%20Too%20Toxic%20to%20Tolerate.pdf
- Carballo Márquez, A. (2017). Cerebro, estrés y parentalidad. http://repositori.uic.es/handle/20.500.12328/948