I Was Always Angry with My Children: How I Fixed It

There came a time when I was always angry with my children. Can you relate? Keep reading to discover 5 ways I learned to fix it.
I Was Always Angry with My Children: How I Fixed It
María José Roldán

Written and verified by the psychopedagogue María José Roldán.

Last update: 30 May, 2023

Childhood is a process that leaves its mark on everyone. There’s no exception. Sometimes, we tend to repeat the patterns of our parents, almost without realizing it. Then, we behave like them and may even have the same thoughts that we hated so much when we were younger. One day, I began to realize that I was always angry with my children until I finally learned how to fix the problem.

I learned the importance of being authentic and honest with myself in order to move forward. I came to terms with the fact that yes, maybe I was repeating behaviors, but that’s not what was really making me angry with my kids. So, I had to really reflect internally. In the following article, I’m going to share my experience with you.

Why was I always angry with my children?

I realized that I was always angry with my children and I couldn’t tolerate it. In my case, it was emotional exhaustion due to various factors in my life. The kids had nothing to do with it, as their smile is my strength, but there were days that were so gray that I didn’t even realize it. It was hard for me to identify that this was my problem and, in order to do so, I first had to do some internal reflection.

First, I reflected on anger. This is a normal emotion and we all have the right to feel it. We just have to learn how to manage it so that we don’t hurt ourselves or others. My children are happy and, therefore, they’re also noisy. Although I can’t deny that, when I’m stressed, all that noise affects me and makes me nervous.

So, I thought about the real reasons why I always get angry with my children. And some conclusions I came to were the following:

  • Tiredness
  • Stress or anxiety
  • Not enough sleep
  • Lack of empathy on my part towards my children
  • Poor self-control
A mother yelling at her daughter during an argument.
Many times, anger toward children appears as a way to vent our own problems, so we need to know how to recognize this in time. Tiredness, anxiety, and stress can be some of the causes.

Tips to solve it

Finally, I understood that I was always angry with my children and that I didn’t want that for my life or for theirs. So, I started looking for solutions so that we could learn to live together in harmony and smile every day. And although there are days that are more tense than others, the reality is that we’ve succeeded. Now, I feel more confident, less tired, and more eager to spend time with them. Here are my tips and I hope they help you as much as they did me.

1. Be their example

Before you act, stop for a few seconds and think about this: Are you your children’s best example? Do you want your child to act that way as an adult? If the answer is no, then change your behavior and look for the best behavior for everyone. You should be aware that there are no perfect parents, but there are no perfect children either!

However, your behaviors and your attitude towards life and towards them can be imitated by your little ones now or in the future. If you want them to do certain things a certain way, you must first do it yourself.

2. Delegate tasks to others

You must realize that you can’t do everything on your own. Therefore, it’s essential to learn to delegate certain tasks to others. When you feel you can’t get to everything, prioritize those tasks you consider most important and ask someone else to do some things for you. This way, you can turn to your partner, your parents, or any other person you trust.

3. Find time for yourself

Look for moments in the day when you can relax and pamper yourself. Enjoy doing things that interest you and don’t miss out on seeing friends or loved ones. Find activities that comfort you and help you unwind for a short period of time.

A woman practiving relaxation techniques.
Taking time for yourself and doing activities that are of interest to you will help renew you with positive energy to give to your children.

4. Use positive discipline

If you notice that you’re always angry with your children, you must realize that not only does not serve any purpose, but it also generates discomfort at home. For that reason, you can choose to follow positive discipline for the upbringing of your little ones. That way, yelling and bad behavior will become less and less common in your home and this will help them to understand each other better. Thanks to this type of discipline your children will know who’s the authority, but always from positivism, empathy, and respect.

5. If one day you get overwhelmed, ask for help

A good technique is to take a deep breath before carrying out any action that could cause some kind of tension. However, if at some point, you feel overwhelmed, you can ask for help from a professional. They’ll be able to guide you in managing those emotions and avoiding the most conflictive tensions. Although it may not be necessary, it never hurts to keep it in mind.

Enjoy your relationship with your children

After a while, I understood that, on many occasions, I got angry with my children when they really weren’t to blame for anything. There was no real reason for it, but my emotions were overflowing. Therefore, I didn’t empathize enough with them, although I demanded that they empathize with me. Big mistake, as I’m the adult, just as you are. All this made me feel sad and didn’t allow me to enjoy my children as they really deserved.

That’s why I decided to make a change in my life for the benefit of all and, without a doubt, you can do it, too. Not everything will be solved overnight, but if you change your perspective and seek the necessary help, you’ll surely be able to improve the climate in your home and enjoy a good relationship with your children.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.