Remember: Your Children Are NOT to Blame

Keeping in mind that your children are not to blame for the choices you made for them is the first step in improving the family relationship.
Remember: Your Children Are NOT to Blame

Last update: 18 May, 2023

Making the conscious decision to become a parent isn’t something to be taken lightly. Raising a child is a long road that requires commitment, sacrifice, and emotional responsibility. So, as hard as the road may get, remember that your children are NOT to blame for all those things you had to leave behind in order to fulfill your parental role.

Many times, parents put on their children’s shoulders an emotional weight that doesn’t belong to them. This is something that only ends up affecting their self-esteem and confidence. And it’s important to always keep in mind that your little ones didn’t ask to come to this world and don’t have the obligation of bearing the lack of tact and empathy of their parents.

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Being mature will help you remember that your children aren’t to blame

When life places before our eyes the possibility of becoming a parent, it’s essential to know that it’s one of the greatest gifts that any person can experience. However, despite the happiness that children bring in their wake, it’s a lifelong decision that requires maturity, dedication, and commitment to meet all the obligations involved.

A baby crying.
Making children feel bad for things that aren’t their fault only affects their self-esteem and security.

And this can often mean giving up for a time the dreams you had in mind to devote yourself to the positive upbringing of your children. Because of this, many parents consciously or unconsciously think that their children are responsible for those goals that they weren’t able to achieve. And this is an extremely egocentric, hurtful, and inconsiderate thought.

This is because parents must remember that their children came into this world involuntarily. Therefore, they’re not to blame for the conscious choices their parents made for them. In that regard, it’s essential that adults learn to intelligently manage their emotions in order not to blame their children for problems that have nothing to do with them.

3 tips to remember that your children are not to blame

Learning to take responsibility for our decisions is the first step to stop blaming our children for the choices we freely make. No parent wants their little ones to grow up with emotional wounds because of the remorse generated by the thought that they’re the reason for the unhappiness in their home.

Here are some recommendations to manage internal frustration and understand that your children are not to blame for the direction that your life took after their birth.

1. Cultivate emotional intelligence and think before you speak

In some moments of tension, emotions outweigh reason. And this can lead to very hurtful things being said that will remain engraved in children’s memories. For this reason, be aware of the weight of your words and how your children might interpret them. Keep in mind that you’re the most important person in your children’s lives. So, try to be the mature, responsible, and empathetic adult that they need.

At the same time, try never to blame them for things that went wrong, keeping in mind that all the responsibility is yours alone. From simple things, such as “because of you, we were late for the event” to more serious statements, such as “because of you, I could never get my college degree”. Keep in mind that children don’t have to take responsibility for your choices.

2. Don’t judge unfairly in order to vent

Being a parent is a difficult task, despite the many rewards along the way. And this means that we must think about the physical and emotional well-being of our children regardless of the anger or frustration we may feel in the moment. Because of this, don’t judge your children or label them negatively when they misbehave.

Verbal violence is a form of abuse that deteriorates the mother-child relationship over time. So, before responding lightly in the middle of an altercation, take a deep breath and avoid conflict. Children can’t understand their mistakes if instead of correcting them with empathy, we judge them without giving them the opportunity to dialogue and express what they’re feeling.

Learn more: How to Know If You’re Ready for Motherhood

3. Apologize sincerely when you make mistakes

A father asking his young son for forgiveness.
Adults also make mistakes, but it’s crucial to have the ability to apologize when we act badly.

Human beings aren’t perfect, and we are constantly evolving to be our best version. Therefore, if at some point, your emotions get out of control and you’re aware that you expressed yourself in the wrong way and hurt your children’s feelings, take responsibility for your actions, and apologize sincerely.

Acknowledging mistakes lets children know that the things that were said aren’t really true and that they’re not to blame for their parents’ reactions. It’s also a great opportunity for children to learn by example to accept their mistakes when they misbehave.

Your children aren’t to blame for the choices you made in your life

Life as a parent can be full of obstacles and sacrifices that force us to put personal desires on the back burner in order to give our children all the attention they need. However, no matter how difficult the road may become, you must always remember that taking responsibility for your choices is the only way to stop looking for blame where there is none.

So, before you utter hurtful words full of resentment or bitterness, remember that your little ones didn’t ask to be born. And it’s your obligation to give them all the physical and emotional tools to grow up knowing that their family loves them unconditionally. So, make sure that maturity, empathy, and emotional responsibility guide your path.

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This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.