5 Mistakes Demanding Parents Make
Raising children is no easy task. Even though we all want the best for our kids, we raise and educate them in different ways. Some demanding parents want their children to be perfect or almost perfect in everything they do. As a result, they may use strategies that aren’t always positive for their kids’ development.
There are different parenting styles: authoritarian, overprotective, permissive, too demanding, etc. By not choosing the right style, parents may damage their children’s healthy development, and their attitude may cause their kids certain problems. In today’s article, we’ll focus on the most common mistakes demanding parents tend to make.
Demanding parents: when discipline and effort are taken too far
There are different parenting styles. Depending on how they teach things, interact, reinforce and motivate their children, parents will be following different parenting styles.
Nowadays, it’s very common to see demanding parents trying to discipline their children to make them want to be perfect at everything they do. These kinds of parents put a lot of pressure on their children, and ask them to achieve all their goals in an efficient way.
Actually, these parents tend to follow an authoritarian parenting style, conversations are usually unilateral (parents talk to their children) and hierarchy is very well defined. In addition, children have to follow many rules and they lack autonomy.
When raising our children, discipline and effort are two important aspects. However, taking them too far can be a real mistake. Demanding too much from our children can affect their psychological and emotional development.
Some mistakes these kind of parents make
Sometimes, demanding a bit of effort from our children can be quite productive. But, if we’re constantly demanding from them, without giving them explanations or showing our emotions, our children may end up having adaptation problems. Next, we’ll talk about some mistakes demanding parents make.
Thinking that pushing their children too much will improve their performance
If we do it at specific times, encouraging our children to make an effort can be quite useful. However, if we do this for a long period of time, the result will be the opposite to what we desire, and it’ll affect their performance. This is because, despite their effort, when children don’t achieve their goals, they’ll think they aren’t as good as they’re supposed to be.
Not accepting mistakes from their children
Demanding parents don’t seem to be able to accept their children’s mistakes. Besides, they tell children that making mistakes or failing is a bad thing that should be avoided at all costs. As a result, children don’t tolerate mistakes and they seek perfection in a pathological way.
Having unattainable expectations
Believing in our abilities and those of others is a positive thing. The only thing to bear in mind is that those abilities need to be realistic. If they’re unattainable, children may become frustrated. As a result, kids may think they don’t have many skills.
Trying to raise perfect children and demanding too much from them
If parents demand too much from their children, they’ll grow feeling nothing they do is enough, and they’ll feel unsatisfied throughout their whole lives. Therefore, we need to be careful when being too demanding. In the long term, they may become adults with a constant need for perfection, and this can be quite bad for them.
Pushing them too much without appreciating their effort
If we push them too much and don’t appreciate the effort they make, they’ll think that all the hard work was in vain. In the future, this can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and even learned helplessness. They’ll think that even when making an effort, they won’t be able to achieve their goals.
What can demanding parents do to avoid making these mistakes?
All the mistakes we’ve just seen relate to high expectations, intolerance to mistakes and not providing positive reinforcement. This doesn’t mean that all parents make these mistakes, but if they do, they can fix it by showing their emotions and trying to communicate with their children.
Be there for your children, don’t train them
When children are subject to high expectations, they feel pressure when not getting what their parents want. We can avoid this by giving them realistic expectations that can match their abilities.
Teach your children that making mistakes or failing isn’t a bad thing
We all make mistakes, and that’s why we have to teach our children that there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, we always learn new things from our mistakes. Don’t forget to show them you love them no matter what.
Value their efforts, not their achievements
Value the effort they make when they try to accomplish something. Pay attention to the work and not the results. This way, they’ll be motivated until the end, trying to achieve their goals. Sometimes, when children do something right, we don’t congratulates them for their effort, because that’s what we were expecting from them.
Trust in their skills and abilities
If parents trust in their children’s skills and abilities, they’ll feel motivated and they’ll have a higher self-esteem. When people they love the most value them, children feel they can do better. Whenever you feel like correcting them, do it in a positive way, not criticizing them.
About the mistakes demanding parents make…
Being a demanding parent isn’t a problem per se, unless you make the mistakes we’ve just mentioned. So, if you’ve ever made one of these mistakes, you can try to change your attitude, now that you’ve read this article.
Finally, remember that children need to feel valued, loved and live without pressure. Sometimes, we forget that kids need to enjoy life, without seeking perfection. Don’t ever forget that.It might interest you...
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Ramírez, M. A. (2005). Padres y desarrollo de los hijos: prácticas de crianza. Estudios pedagógicos (Valdivia), 31(2), 167-177.
- Raya Trenas, A. F. (2009). Estudio sobre los estilos educativos parentales y su relación con los trastornos de conducta en la infancia. Universidad de Córdoba, Servicio de Publicaciones.
- Del Barrio, M. V. y Roa, M. L. (2004). Prácticas de crianza, personalidad materna y clase social. Actas del II Congreso Hispano-Portugués de Psicología.