The Emotions You Don't Accept May Be Reflected in Your Children

28 March, 2020
Many attitudes and disorders in our children are just a reflection of the mismanaged emotions you don't accept. If you change, then they may get better.

The best thing a mother can do for her child is to take care of herself. We can’t properly love others if we don’t love ourselves first. That’s why emotions that you don’t accept and that you don’t work on may end up being reflected in your children.

The emotions you don’t accept

Being a mother isn’t an easy job. We have to play many different roles every day and take care of a million different things. However, we’re just regular human beings, and we get tired, frustrated and sometimes lonely or exhausted.

Quite often we deny these feelings. We hide them, because we don’t want to show weakness, and we don’t want to worry our children. We try to keep up the image we’ve developed of being indestructible and unaffected by anything.

So, what do we do? We hide those fears, anxieties, burdens and guilt inside ourselves. Why? Because that’s what we’ve learned to do since we were children. We unconsciously feel that we have no right to complain – it’s an automatic behavior that we hardly notice.

The Emotions You Don't Accept May Be Reflected in Your Children

However, the emotions you don’t accept haunt you and continually look for ways to escape. So, it’s likely that these repressed emotions will turn into uncontrollable crying, tiredness, and even illness or physical symptoms.

Your children are your mirror

In their eagerness to surface, these emotions can be reflected in the most loving mirror we have in our lives: our children. During gestation, the mother-child emotional connection is absolute; there’s no separation between them. This bond extends in a deep way until the age of three, with the child feeling all of the mother’s emotions as his or her own.

There’s a theory, called biodecoding, that says that children under 14 don’t get sick, and that they just reflect the mismanaged emotions of the adults they live with. Here are some examples of what this theory says:

  • If we have a very nervous newborn baby who cries often, then maybe they’re just reflecting the mother’s unexpressed nervousness and anguish.
  • If the parents argue a lot, then the child may have a cough or throat problem.
  • When the mother lives through situations that she can’t digest, her little one may have frequent stomach aches or digestive problems.
  • A mother who is tired of hearing criticism or complaints may have a baby who has frequent hearing problems or otitis.
  • A little one with continuous bronchitis or asthma may show that there’s a toxic environment in the home.

Our children are the mirror that projects what we refuse to accept about ourselves. Their symptoms always speak to us, giving us clues as to what we’re not managing correctly.

What can we do?

The purpose of this theory isn’t to find fault, but rather to make us responsible. It’s to make us aware that it’s in our hands to prevent some of our children’s suffering.

So, what can we do?

The Emotions You Don't Accept May Be Reflected in Your Children

First of all, we have to get used to being in touch with our emotions. We need to be able to stop and think about how we’re feeling every moment of the day, how situations affect us and how to accept those negative feelings. We need to see, accept, and embrace them, without trying to deny them. They’re there to teach us something, and to help us change our approach to life.

We have to be willing to be self-critical and to modify thought and behavior patterns that are ingrained in us. Perhaps we should learn to forgive more quickly or to worry less. Whatever it is, your change will make a difference in your children’s health.

The next thing is to be determined to make time for ourselves. Finding time to be alone and do the activities that make us feel good is vital. Remember, you’ll always be a better mother if you’re a happy woman.

Being emotionally balanced

This will help you to be emotionally balanced, and to face any difficulties in a calm and conscious way. You need to develop the ability to decide how you want to feel about a certain situation. Learn how to manage it in a mature way and not to react as you’re letting yourself be controlled and swept along by it.

If your child still gets sick, ask yourself: “What happened to my emotions in the last few days? What situations overcame me, upset me, or hurt me?” When you become aware of the conflict and start working on it, then your child won’t need to be concerned about it and its symptoms may disappear. The best gift you can give them is to take care of yourself.

Having said all this, you can’t explain away all illnesses or conditions by your emotions, and you should always consult your doctor first when your child manifests any worrying symptoms. Have a read of the article and see whether you think it applies to you, and how you can work on the emotions you don’t accept.