At First, It Was You and Me... Now, We're a Family
At first, there were two of us. The days passed by with magical complicity, allowing for improvisation, last-minute plans, and adventure. Now there are three of us, maybe four… And now we nest like birds in a tree, our days have routines and patterns, and they go by more slowly and taste like sweet happiness. Now we’re a family and a great team, the best team.
Sophocles said in his texts that whoever’s lucky enough to be born into a good family has half of life resolved. This is so for a very simple reason: The family is our first social scenario, an environment where the solidity of good examples, the roots of pure affection, and the bases of that identity that we will polish over time are established.
“The first link in society is the couple, then the children who shape the family”
-Cicero-
It’s very common to look back and remember those times, those days when there were only two of us. The phrase “creating a family” may not even have crossed our minds, simply because we were okay with our situation. Because we wanted nothing more. However, the desire, illusions, and the need to start a common project with the person we love often arrive.
The purpose couldn’t be more beautiful. However, it’s best to remember an essential aspect. That child who’s going to arrive is the responsibility of both of you. Let’s not make the mistake of marking territories, of assigning responsibilities according to gender, according to what’s up to dad, and according to what mom should do. Children aren’t nominative, in fact, it’s quite the opposite: We belong to them and hence, we must offer them the best of our essences, of our hearts…
Keep reading: 12 Tips for a United Family
We’re a family and the best team
The best lessons in life don’t come in books or instruction manuals. We’re learning them by ourselves according to our experiences, our daily challenges, and through our personal realities.
For this reason, when it comes to raising a child, we shouldn’t strictly follow what the parenting manuals, our parents, or our best friends tell us. We can receive advice, and that’s good, wonderful in fact, but we’re a family and it’s we, based on our personal realities and circumstances, who will shape our family dynamics, our rules, and our priorities.
Teaming up and reaching agreements with one another is undoubtedly the first step when our children arrive. It’s then that we can guide ourselves by the following tips, those that can actually serve as a starting point for reflection.
You and I are above all a couple, we’re a family, and we’ll continue to look into each other’s eyes every day
The arrival of a baby at home is like a small whirlwind that changes everything, intensifies everything, including our emotions, responsibilities, and tasks. Sometimes there are so many that between the tiredness, the lack of sleep, the fears, and the daily activities with our baby, we forget to look each other in the eye.
- It is essential that couples don’t neglect this bond of contact, where they recognize needs, where they know when mom should rest and dad should step in, or vice versa.
- Looking into each other’s eyes is also a way of igniting affection, of reminding ourselves “I’m here, with you, and we’re doing great, we’re a great team.”
You may be interested: From a Couple to Being a Family: The Effects of a Baby’s Arrival
When we act as a team, nobody loses
It’s very common that when a couple has a child, one of them leaves their job or requests a reduction in working hours. If this is carried out, it must be a well thought out and discussed decision. It’s a step that can be taken equally by both the father and the mother in many cases.
- However, there’s one “key” point that needs to be noted. No one should have the feeling that they’re giving up something, that it’s always he or she who “loses” or who always gives in. Having a child shouldn’t mean developing that uncomfortable feeling that you’re missing something, but rather the opposite.
For this reason, it’s vital that the tasks and responsibilities are agreed upon, that the obligations are distributed, and that this need is always sought to favor the well-being of all the members of the family.
Family is where life begins and love never ends…
No one “helps” anyone, we’re a family and we know what our responsibilities are
This is something that a large part of couples are already very clear about today: neither the father helps the mother with her housework, nor does the mother help the father with his family responsibilities. In a family, there are no private territories, nor are the children the sole responsibility of one partner.
Nothing is as dynamic, creative, intense, and motivating as raising a child. Knowing how to team up is knowing how to share, communicate, reach agreements, and guide that little one who is part of both of us and who, in turn, is part of life.
Because whether we believe it or not, that child doesn’t belong to us, they belong to himself and hence, we must educate him in the best way so that he loves himself, is happy, and makes this world a much better scenario.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Bowlby, J. (1986). Vínculos afectivos: formación, desarrollo y pérdida. Madrid: Morata.
- Bowlby, J. (1995). Teoría del apego. Lebovici, Weil-HalpernF.
- Garrido-Rojas, L. (2006). Apego, emoción y regulación emocional. Implicaciones para la salud. Revista latinoamericana de psicología, 38(3), 493-507. https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/805/80538304.pdf
- Marrone, M., Diamond, N., Juri, L., & Bleichmar, H. (2001). La teoría del apego: un enfoque actual. Madrid: Psimática.
- Moneta, M. (2003). El Apego. Aspectos clínicos y psicobiológicos de la díada madre-hijo. Santiago: Cuatro Vientos.
