The Positive Side of Arguments With Your Partner
Is there anything positive that we can take away from the arguments we have with our partners? If they're carried out with respect, dialogue and a constructive attitude, then yes! They can be beneficial both in the immediate future and long term.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, then you’ve probably had arguments with your partner. At the time, you may not have seen anything good about fighting or disagreeing.
Yet while harmony is a vital part of any relationship, many psychologists affirm the positive side of arguing with our partners.
4 motives for seeing the positive side of arguments with your partner
First, we must understand that arguing and fighting aren’t the same thing. On the one hand, a fight can be something that is void of meaning. It starts with accumulated anger or a situation of extreme tension.
At the same time, arguments involve an exchange of ideas and thoughts that make up each person’s character.
First of all, it’s important to clarify one thing. The positive side of arguing with your partner has nothing to do with any sort of violence. Mature adults who share their lives together must learn how to resolve their differences in a positive way. We should never, ever resort to hurting or attacking one another.
With all that in mind, below you’ll find 4 ways to see the positive side of arguing with your partner:
1. If we argue, it’s because we care about each another
This phrase may sound a bit cheesy or obsolete. However, it’s true that we only spend our time and intellect on those who are important to us.
When we don’t care about someone or something, we simply ignore it or endure it. We prefer not to waste time or exert ourselves physically and emotionally when it comes to things and people we don’t care about.
So why do we take the time to argue with our partners about decisions, thoughts and attitudes? Because we’re concerned, and interested in their lives and well-being. When a person’s reality doesn’t really affect us, then the old refrain holds true: “Foolish words fall on deaf ears.”
2. Allow for time to reflect and improve
Without a doubt, improving a relationship requires dedication from both parties. But before this can occur, both must first recognize that a problem exists.
If we don’t argue, then there’s no problem. And if there isn’t any problem, then we can’t work towards a solution. Therefore, a couple that doesn’t address disagreements will unlikely manage to improve the relationship.
If something about our partner is bothering us, then we need to communicate that in order to find a way to work past it. Otherwise, even the smallest issue can fester and even become a reason for separation.
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
3. Getting to knowing yourself is part of the positive side of arguments with your partner
Many people try to forget or ignore what they say and hear during an argument. However, the words we express during a moment of anger or tension can teach us a great deal about our thoughts.
It may also be true that one partner has held in certain opinions to avoid hurting the other. When an argument begins, he or she ends up saying these things even when the argument is about something else.
During an argument, we may use the moderation that we apply day to day in order to get along. Strong emotions cause us to say things without any filter, perhaps things we would rather not say in order to avoid arguing in the first place.
Even though this can produce some tension, arguments can reveal disagreements about thoughts, attitudes or particular issues. It’s important that we recognize the possibility of learning about our own personalities. The person we live with can teach us a lot about ourselves.
4. Arguing allows us to grow together
Many times we believe that people that have a lot in common will make a perfect couple. However, people that are different tend to enrich one another more and enjoy a more harmonious relationship. If a couple argues about their opposing perspectives on the world, then they’ll both learn and grow together.
If we reject someone for being different or we impose our opinions on them, then we cease to be enriched by the other person. What’s more, we’ll be violating his or her right to freely develop his or her cognitive and emotional abilities.
It’s very important to remember the need to respect and love our partners for who they are and not for how we want them to be.
The positive side of arguing with our partners isn’t a given. Rather, it requires having a positive attitude and dialogue.
Having arguments with your partner can help you understand the person that you’re sharing your life with, and resolve certain conflicts.