How Do Miscarriages Affect Men?

January 19, 2019
We sometimes have an image of men as hard and insensitive, even at difficult times like when a miscarriage occurs. However, the pain is unavoidable. Keeping quiet about it isn't the best choice.

Miscarriages are an extremely difficult experience for a couple. They see their hopes of having a family cut short, at least temporarily. Although attention tends to focus on mothers, how do miscarriages affect men?

With good reason, special attention is usually paid to a woman who has suffered an event like this. She often experiences significant feelings of loss, guilt, rejection, and disappointment which deserve care and attention.

But we shouldn’t forget the other partner involved, who also suffers: the father. Although he didn’t suffer the physical symptoms of losing the fetus, he’s nevertheless still deeply affected.

Couples and Miscarriages

We’ll begin analyzing how a couple might feel who experiences this difficult moment, and what they can do to overcome it. Of course, the main thing that both partners need is comfort, companionship, and support.

Every individual’s personality is different. As a result, each partner may have different emotions and need different amounts of time to recover.

Don’t make any rushed decisions or burn bridges. Each partner should give the other the time and space they need, while continuing to support them as needed.

Conflicts may arise. This is understandable. The couple is experiencing an enormous amount of stress, both physically and mentally.

Add to this the return to work and social life, as well as to intimacy within the couple. This last point can often lead to disagreements.

As they say, time heals all wounds. The important thing is to understand that your partner also needs and deserves time to process their pain. It’s vital that you respect that. You can’t compare or rate each person’s reaction. Everything depends on personality.

How Do Miscarriages Affect Men?

How Do Miscarriages Affect Men?

Although he doesn’t have a concrete physical connection with the baby until he or she is born, a father can be deeply affected by losing a baby. During the pregnancy, he’s also forming a strong emotional connection with the little one who is on the way.

Miscarriages affect men in several ways. They may experience emotions such as:

  • Pain: logically, like any loss, a miscarriage is very difficult for both mother and father.
  • Uncertainty: this is a time which, in addition to being very difficult, can affect the future. The father may wonder about his partner’s responsibility for the child’s death. He might also have doubts about their ability to have a healthy pregnancy in the future.
  • Powerlessness: the man, who may feel left out even during the pregnancy itself, may see himself as unable to respond to what has happened or to be able to prevent it from happening again.

“The father, although he didn’t suffer the physical symptoms of losing the fetus, is nevertheless still deeply affected.

Should You Express Your Feelings or Stay Quiet?

In an attempt not to further distress the mother, and to comfort her, many men decide to show their strength and hide their pain. However, this isn’t a good idea, as miscarriages affect men in many ways as well.

Emotions this intense can’t be ignored without consequences. At some point, positively or negatively, they will be expressed.

Although it may not happen over the short term, repressed feelings repeatedly attack our emotional and sometimes even physical stability. There is nothing wrong with a man expressing his feelings. It’s likely the healthiest option. 

In any case, if you don’t think the mother is in a position to offer support because she’s carrying her own pain, you can turn to family or close friends. It’s always good to get support from loved ones.

How Do Miscarriages Affect Men?

How to Overcome the Pain

Of course there is no magic recipe for surviving grief. Even less so when it’s something like a miscarriage that is completely unexpected. However, it’s possible to give a few suggestions of things to at least keep in mind when the time comes.

One good strategy is to postpone any major decisions until you’ve recovered your balance. There’s no reason that you have to decide immediately what to do with the things you’ve bought, the baby’s room, or even whether you’ll try again for a new pregnancy.

Nothing helps more than good communication, both within the relationship and with the outside world. Don’t hide what happened, although it’s a good idea to keep it to people you trust.

It’s worth pointing out one very important person to communicate with: your doctor. Talking with your doctor can help a great deal in overcoming the period of grief. Doctors understand these situations and can provide valuable insight on how to overcome your pain.