I'm a Mother, and Sometimes I Feel Lonely
Being a mother is an incredible privilege. Yet even though you love your baby with all your heart, sometimes you cannot help but feel lonely.
Raising a child is a 24-hour job for the first few years, and it’s not always easy, hence the doubts and loneliness…
If you know this feeling all too well, you should know that you are not alone. Nor should you think that these thoughts or particular discomfort are direct symptoms of depression.
In fact, it is a completely normal psychological process associated with the mutual dependency we establish with our babies.
Each woman raises herself in a way. There are those who live in solitude because they choose to. Others must face long hours alone while their partners go to work.
Having family far away and friends with their own responsibilities means mothers often feel lonely and isolated.
We invite you to delve into this well-known topic: the feeling of loneliness in parenting.
When I feel lonely with my baby
Just a few months ago, the maternity and motherhood magazine “Mamma Mia” published an interesting article that recounted the personal tale of an Australian mother who had commented on social media about how she left her 10-month-old girl alone for seven minutes to go shopping.
The controversy was intense for several days. However, beyond the risk of leaving our children alone even for 5 minutes, it brought to light another problem, one more subtle and delicate: the loneliness and absolute dependence that moms experience with their children during the first years.
The double complexity of motherhood
In our society, it is very common to see motherhood as the fullest and most satisfying time for a woman, and undoubtedly for most women, it is.
However, we would like to refine the data a bit more: it is satisfactory, but not always easy. Happiness does not stay at the same level every day of the year, 24/7.
- Motherhood forces us, first and foremost, to change roles. It makes a woman stop being her own priority, to move all her energy and emotion toward the newborn.
- Sometimes all that emotional and psychological aversion creates doubts and fears. “Am I doing well? Will he be comfortable? Is something wrong?”
- This dependency is established many times throughout the day in an uninterrupted manner over several months or even years.
- Their job aspirations are stalled, and the way they relate to their friends is no longer the same. Sometimes even the intimacy we have with our partners changes a little. We are fathers and mothers now, and our children are our priority.
- The suffocated mother is not a depressed or desperate mother. These are normal situations that usually occur, especially with a first child.
For this reason, and in order to better manage this sensation and to avoid stress and anxiety in the first place, it is necessary to make small changes and confront the situation.
Distribute responsibilities and have a support network
There is one aspect that we must be clear about: being a mother does not mean we build walls around ourselves to continue nurturing that invisible umbilical cord with our children in solitude.
We must understand that if we are not well, we will project the same discomfort to the baby.
In order for our baby’s childhood to be of quality, happy and satisfactory, responsibilities must be shared. The father also fulfils a fundamental role, and even our relatives offer invaluable help in daily life.
Take note of these simple tips that are worth taking into account.
Go for a walk, do not spend all day at home
Our schedule is established during the first few months based on breastfeeding, naps and the baby’s regular needs.
Although we know that following proper routines and habits is a priority in child rearing, it is necessary and healthy for us to go outside, go for a walk and get a bit of sun. Social contact is also essential for our well-being and for the baby to have new stimuli.
Have a support network
Whether you are a single parent or have a partner, you need a support network on a day-to-day basis. Sharing responsibilities is always appropriate and necessary.
Counting on friends who are also moms is a wonderful way to feel support to alleviate doubts, to release tension and to put to rest any particular fears that may arise.
Playful activities with your baby
As your baby grows, you can do fun activities with him that will allow him to mature in an ideal way, while also strengthening your relationship with him.
- There are centers where you can, for example, do yoga with your baby.
- Swimming is also a fun activity to share experiences with other parents and improve your child’s motor skills.
As you can see, enjoying motherhood requires contact from our friends, support from other couples and an environment that facilitates everyday learning for our children.
It is a worthwhile adventure, and although feeling lonely is sometimes normal, there are many options to defend yourself against this feeling.