What Do I Do If I Don't Like My Daughter's Partner?

The role of the parents in their child's first emotional relationships must be that of support and understanding. This should prevail even if you don't really like the person chosen by your daughter. Communication and respect are fundamental.
What Do I Do If I Don't Like My Daughter's Partner?

Last update: 01 January, 2019

As mothers and fathers, it’s natural that we want to guarantee our children’s happiness, success and safety. Therefore, meeting and interacting with their partners often represents a complex situation.

Many parents give off an unfavorable image in these cases. What should you do if you don’t like your daughter’s partner?

How should I act if I don’t like my daughter’s partner?

Your daughter has started dating and the time has come for you to meet the person she has chosen. Maybe this awakens a sense of overprotection in you.

It’s normal to be afraid of losing your daughter. You’ve worked hard to raise her, educate her and offer her a healthy and dignified life. You want the best for her.

However, we have to remember that children grow up and have the right to make their own decisions and take their own steps. Their choice of a partner is one of those important decisions in which we must offer our support.

What should you do if you don’t like your daughter’s partner? You may not agree with your daughter’s preferences regarding who she dates, but respect and love must always prevail.

Not judging is the key to a positive start

In order to be honest with yourself and your children, you must recognize your own shortcomings. This is the first step toward changing and opening your mind in the face of meeting new people, other environments and different realities.

When you meet your daughter’s partner, remember not to judge them on their appearance, especially not based on your personal tastes.

Maybe they don’t look spectacular because they had a bad day at work, or maybe their economic situation doesn’t grant them access to the best clothes and accessories.

What Do I Do If I Don't Like My Daughter's Partner?

On the other hand, the preferences of each person must be respected. Some people like to look simple, while others prefer to look more flashy.

Before judging based on appearances or preferences, it’s better to spend time getting to know the person your daughter has chosen. Prejudices are damaging to all relationships, and it’s up to us to change them.

Understand that young people are young

If your daughter is a teenager or girl, she may experience some communication problems. Beyond the love that surely bonds the two of you, generational differences usually hinder our interaction with our children at this stage.

Young people today have their own language, and technology is an integral part of their way of life. To parents, the vocabulary and preferences of adolescents can be very strange. However, parents shouldn’t forget that they too were once young.

Again, the recommendation is not to judge, but to have patience to get to know your children better. With the help of the Internet and social media, you can understand the way young people speak and act a little better.

This will help improve your communication with them. You can foster a bond of friendship, trust and understanding. In addition, you’ll be more prepared to meet their partner.

Getting to know a new person takes time

When you meet them for the first time, your daughter’s partner will probably be very nervous. Therefore, they may make some mistakes or even appear awkward or antisocial. This means that this person understands how important this moment is and wants to please you.

We must remember that we’ll never get to know a person in a day, much less in a few hours. If you’ve just met your daughter’s partner, remember to give them the opportunity to show their true personality.

What Do I Do If I Don't Like My Daughter's Partner?

“We must accept that children grow and have the right to make their own decisions and take their own steps. The choice of a partner is one of these important decisions in which we must support them.” 

Let your children make their own mistakes

Sometimes, time proves parents right and some couples just don’t last. Your daughter may end up separating from the person you didn’t like, but you should be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Establishing and maintaining a healthy and happy partnership is very complicated. It takes time, effort and dedication.

You may not agree with whom your daughter has chosen to share her life. Nevertheless, you should never become a burden for them to carry on their way through life.

We’ve all had positive and negative experiences with current and former partners. Surely, we felt grateful to the people who listened to us and stuck with us during those times.

As parents, we want our children to be happy, and love and fulfilment are part of a happy life. Your daughter may not stay with her current partner forever, but she can be immensely happy in the years she chooses to maintain this relationship.

If one day she shares her decision to break up with her partner, you should avoid comments such as, “I knew it” or “I told you so.” Simply remember that she’s young and needs a lot of love, affection and peace to overcome this difficult moment.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.