Don't Worry Mom, You Are Doing Well

Don't Worry Mom, You Are Doing Well
Valeria Sabater

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Written by Valeria Sabater

Last update: 26 March, 2022

Don’t worry mom, you are doing well. Your nighttime insomnia from tending to your baby’s cries makes sense; you know that offering affection gives you strength; and nobody but you knows what your child needs in each moment.

Something that all mothers know is that it’s not necessary to have given birth to a child in order to know what love is. Motherhood, by itself, does not exempt us from having certain fears.

We fear that our children will stop breathing while they sleep. We ask ourselves every day if we are doing a good job and ponder whether, as our own mother or friends tell us, we are “spoiling” our children too much.

Nobody comes into this world knowing all there is about parenting. But there is something you should be clear about: you are doing just fine, and if you ever have any doubts, your pediatrician can best advise you.

What popular belief says is irrelevant to a mother’s natural instinct and the trust of our health professionals. 

The 3 fears of every mother

Sometimes a mother’s fears are marked by her own personal and family history. A complex childhood with emotional deficiencies or mistreatment causes any mother to want to avoid those same personal rifts and to offer her child all the personal, emotional and psychological balance that she herself lacked in childhood.

Likewise, when a woman does not feel well in her personal life, with her partner or with her professional situation, she also develops many anxieties that she tries every day to control and alleviate so that none of it affects the upbringing of her child.

drawing of sleeping baby with butterfly wings

Motherhood is full of circles. On the one hand, there is our personal past. Then there’s society itself and the social and emotional context we live in. The last circle, the most delicate and important, is the one that we establish with our babies.

Now let’s see the three fears a mother usually experiences to the point of thinking that she is not doing a good job.

  • Fear of not knowing her child’s needs. This fear is both common and understandable. Moreover, the same concern appears even after having several children, because each baby is different and presents various needs.

However, far from building fears around this, you have to remember something: you are the best answer to every need your child has. The bond that you create with him as soon as he arrives in the world will make you intuitive to many of his needs. In addition, you have the support of wonderful health professionals who advise you at all times.

  • Fear of making the same mistakes her parents made. One way or another, we all have some image in our minds about what our family did or did not do when we were children. Now, it’s worth bearing in mind that being a mother or father does not mean you will never make mistakes. Perfect parents do not exist.

However, the essential thing is to “be present” and be there for your children whenever they need you.

  • Fear of not knowing how to make our children happy. This is another common fear. However, don’t obsess about it. Just remember some essential points: listen to your child, respect his development, teach him to be responsible, make him feel like a special person, and remind him that you will always be with him on every path he chooses to take.
don't worry mom, you're doing well!

You are doing well and you’re a complete mother

In an article published in the journal Psychologies, an interesting concept is defined, one that will undoubtedly help you discover that you are doing wonderfully well as a mother.

It is about the idea of a “complete mom.” Here are the main pillars that make up this idea or image to which we should all aspire:

  • The complete mother does not see herself as a perfect mom, but as a person who learns each day to give the best to her child based on his or her needs
  • The complete mom does not project her emotional problems on her children. A bad day at work or an argument with her partner does not affect the quality of her relationship with her children.
  • A complete mom does not control, overprotect or clip the wings of her children. She teaches them responsibility and maturity so that they will be happy adults in the future.
  • An emotional mom offers a wonderful emotional legacy that helps her children strengthen their self-esteem and self-confidence.

It is worth keeping this in mind and always trusting yourself.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.