I Don't Help My Wife, We Share Responsibilities.

I Don't Help My Wife, We Share Responsibilities.
Ana Couñago

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Ana Couñago.

Last update: 27 December, 2022

My wife and I share responsibilities. I don’t simply “help” her around the house, and I don’t ever plan to. I won’t act like a guest, waiting to be attended to.

I won’t be a spectator, observing my wife running from one side of the house to the other all day long. I won’t sit and watch while she carries all the weight. Since day one I understood the responsibility of a relationship and being a father.

I understood from the very beginning that I am my wife’s partner. I love her and we chose the marvelous path of having a family together. Having a family implies enjoying the good parts and accepting the bad parts.

I knew from day one that sharing responsibilities was key. As a father, I am part of the home and that means I also participate in the household activities. I wash dishes, iron, change diapers, and cook. None of that embarrasses me or makes me wish I was single.

That, to me, is to be the bigger man. Sadly, in today’s world, the reality is that many homes are not this way. Women are often the ones who take care of everything. The men are simply spectators that do other things.

But if we think of our children, the best example that we can give them is one of a united family that shares household chores equally.

I don’t help my wife. We share responsibilities.

This debate never goes out of style. What is worth more – the work inside or outside the house? The question I ask myself when I am with my friends is: “Do we value our wives’ work, both inside and outside of the home?

partners who share responsibilities

“The other day I washed the dishes and my wife didn’t thank me,” is a phrase that we have all heard from time to time.

Thinking it over, why should my wife thank me for something that is contributing to improving our home life?

Why thank me for something she herself does numerous times with no one seeing or thanking her for?

That’s why I don’t consider it “helping” my wife. She doesn’t need anyone’s help. She is self-sufficient and totally capable of everything around the home and in her work.

What she and I both need is a companion. We should support each other, even though she can do it alone when needed.

I don’t “help” my wife clean the house. I just try to make the space where we live together decent. I disinfect and tidy for the simple reason that I also live here, under the same roof.

I don’t “help” cook. I just pitch in and share this responsibility because I also eat. And by doing so, I dirty plates and utensils, which means it’s also my responsibility to clean up afterwards.

I don’t help my wife with the children. I care for the children because they are my children, too. Ours.

 I don’t “help” at home. I do my share.

Washing, laying out, folding the whole family’s clothes. Picking up toys. Teaching the children math. Doing yard work.

Whatever it is that needs to be done, know that I’m not just helping around the house, but part of the family. That’s why I participate the way I do.

fathers who share responsibilities in the home

Never again will I think that household chores were just the wife’s job. Regardless of the gender roles I grew up seeing, what my parents taught me, or what I learned in school. I feel fortunate for the family that I have. I want to be a positive example for my children.

I want to treat my wife as a partner and not behave as a guest. I want to do it because I value my wife and everything she does for our family. I respect her the way she is. That’s exactly the same way I want her to treat me.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.