Don't Make Your Children Feel Like They're a Burden

30 January, 2020
Becoming a mother is a choice that's entirely up to you. Because of this, don't make your children feel like they're a burden or take away your happiness.

Being a mother can be a tough and demanding job. Suddenly, you’re in charge of a little person that depends on you entirely. However, if you make your children feel like they’re a burden, your relationship can be strained and the psychological consequences that come with it can be long-lasting.

Everybody wants to feel loved and appreciated. However, having children is a selfless act. If you expect retribution, you’ll feel frustrated and make it hard to create a bond with your children.

Don't Make Your Children Feel Like They're a Burden

Reasons why you should never make your children feel like they’re a burden

1. You decided to become a mom

Becoming a mother is a personal choice, besides whatever social or family pressure you may be under, and everybody goes through different circumstances. Remember that you decided to have a child, and you decided to follow this path.

Maybe things are harder than you thought they’d be. You didn’t expect your life to change this much, but this isn’t a reason to make your children feel like they’re a burden.

2. Unconditional love is the key

Your children will depend on you to cover their needs for food, love, and protection. They can’t fend for themselves and need to trust that their parents will always be there. Their life depends on that.

It’s easy to understand how important a mother is in their child’s psychological development. This is their first and most important relationship. Growing up with a mother that constantly reminds them of the sacrifice they did for their children, of everything they left behind to take care of them, can take a toll on your child’s mind.

Your child will understand that you didn’t want them, they’re not what they expected them to be, that you’re not happy with them. The ground that constitutes unconditional love isn’t there. Your child will feel confused, lost and not enough. If their mom thinks they’re a burden, will somebody else love them?

Don't Make Your Children Feel Like They're a Burden

3. Being a mother doesn’t stop you from being a woman

Some women lose themselves into motherhood. They quit their jobs, their friends and their interests, and dedicate themselves exclusively to raising their children. Women don’t need to do this, nor should they go to the extremes. You’re still human – you have needs, opinions, ideas, and a life of your own.

If you make your children the center of your existence, you’re putting them under a lot of pressure. Don’t give them the responsibility of making you happy. Your mood can’t depend on what they do or accomplish in life. Frustration will settle. Your happiness is up to you. You need to work on having a complete and satisfying life.

Don't Make Your Children Feel Like They're a Burden

Don’t make your children feel like they’re a burden

Children need a mother that feels happy and whole by herself. Someone that can offer them unconditional love and support, so they can become healthy adults. Don’t make your children feel like they’re a burden, that you don’t want them, or talk about the things you’d rather be doing.

If you do, they’ll blame themselves for your unhappiness. They’ll grow up with fear and feeling inferior. Your children will become anxious adults, trying to please others because they don’t feel worthy of being loved. Besides, your children will resent you. Love your children unconditionally and make them feel loved.

 

Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental psychology28(5), 759.

Feeney, J., & Noller, P. (2001). Apego adulto. Bilbao: Desclée de Brouwer.