Personal Well-being: The most important condition for having a child

Personal Well-being: The most important condition for having a child
Valeria Sabater

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Written by Valeria Sabater

Last update: 08 November, 2022

The ideal circumstances for having a child? It’s not just about having a partner. The most basic and unconditional condition is that you have a sufficient personal well-being.

You need to be a person who is content and that takes care of herself, And, at the same time, is willing to give the best to her children.

However, if there’s no harmony in the relationship then none of that makes sense. Because few things can be more devastating than having a mother or father that is dysfunctional, erratic, or is clearly emotionally or psychologically immature.

Having children can sometimes be extremely natural. But what’s not always so easy is turning that child into someone with a healthy self-esteem. Raising a child that’s sure of himself, decent, courageous, capable of being happy and of making others happy as well is no small task.

Therefore, there is no greater role model than a parent that is happy and capable of sharing his or her values with this new life. The values that have made you a strong and satisfied person will also help you guide your child – with or without a partner.

In “You Are Mom” we want to invite your to reflect upon this with us.

Happy parents, healthy children?

why personal well-being is so important to good parenting
Happy parents, happy children? Well, there are some aspects of this phrase that are probably true. But something we need to keep in mind is that happiness is a state, a condition that comes and goes. It embraces us in some instances and then it lets us go and puts us to the test during hard times.

More than happy fathers and mothers, what our children need are people with the sufficient emotional and psychological strength. Let’s look at this in detail.

Our human warmth

Human warmth doesn’t come from our personal ID. And it’s not as if some program were installed into our internal hard drive at a factory. Human warmth is something that is forged over time through very concrete aspects:

  • Through a sense of respect, reciprocity, empathy and consideration.
  • Through the healthy development of a strong identity and a good self-esteem that, at the same time, also allows you to respect other identities.
  • At the same time, human warmth has another purpose, and that is to promote good. It is humility, and having others’ best interest in mind. It’s being strong, but always dedicated to those around you.
why personal well-being is so important for raising a child

Our personal history and how we have faced it

We are not the product of our pasts, but rather of how we have chosen to deal with our past. A father or a mother is much more than what we see at first sight. Behind each one there are thousands of hidden challenges that they have had to overcome. There are personal struggles, fears, and infinite victorious battles.

All of that is “added value.” It is the energy that teaches us that we don’t need a lot to be happy: We just need people close to us that love us .

With or without a partner: What matters most is that we love ourselves in order to love our children

drawing of mom with two children

If a person is unable to love himself, then he ends up projecting his own needs onto others. All of these deficiencies can cause serious side effects when it comes to motherhood or fatherhood.

Parents who don’t love themselves tend to become controlling, favoring a parenting style that is toxic for their children.

  • Fathers and mothers that don’t love themselves can end up creating an unhealthy and neurotic attachment to their children. Besides being controlling, they will also be distrusting and prone to major emotional ups and downs. These factors cause serious consequences in the psychological development of their children

Love yourself in order to love better

Loving yourself is not an act of selfishness. This is something we need to make clear right away. We have every right to give ourselves what we deserve, to fight for what we want and to preserve our personal well-being and dignity.

All of that makes us fathers and mothers that are worthy of having children. Because when we take care of ourselves, we are able to give the best of ourselves to our children.

Whether you have a partner or not, what’s most important is that you take care of yourself. We must deal with our emotional shortcomings, our insecurities and our fears every day.

In doing so, you will be showing your children a person that’s worth imitating. Your children will see someone who they can confide in, look up to, and who they can learn from every single day. 

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.