All of the Wonderful Time Spent Alone with You

All of the Wonderful Time Spent Alone with You
Valeria Sabater

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Written by Valeria Sabater

Last update: 08 November, 2022

Mothers spend many hours alone with their children. Moments of delicate intimacy where a web of emotions, sensations and bonds are made. These bonds play an important role in a child’s development. They also cause the mother’s universe to change in interesting ways.

This magical change isn’t always spoken about. Motherhood supposes many things and one of them is for a woman to leave behind the autonomy and freedom that she once had, whether it meant going out with friends or with her partner.

However, we should always have some control over when we want to enjoy a moment alone or when to socialize, to share time and experiences with our loved ones.

Now, loneliness becomes a shared space. In fact, it will be that way for a long time. You two will spend a lot more than 9 months in the same body. Your baby is going to be close by your side in order to survive, in order to grow in happiness and security.

You will wake up late at night and look out at the city through your window. Everyone is asleep except for you, as you hold your little one in your arms.

These are magical moments of stillness where silences envelop you. Where you become fully aware of how many things in your life have changed.

Loneliness no longer scares you because now, your little one is always by your side, growing up into a strong person.


Those moments that you spend alone are incredibly important for your baby

It is interesting how in the last few years, there are new scientific fields that are being added to the diverse study of babies. In addition to medicine and pediatrics there are now also specialized bibliography about parenting, and the field of anthropology in relation to babies.

So, what does anthropology have to offer us when it comes to helping us know what is best for our children? Well, this science allows us to analyze human beings, not only from a cultural point of view, but also from a biological standpoint as a result of evolution.

Anthropologists like James McKenna remind us that babies are mammals, and like every other mammal that has just arrived in the world, the most important thing they need is the closeness of their mothers.


The baby that only sleeps in your arms

A lot of parents complain about the fact that their babies are unable to sleep alone in their cribs. They only fall asleep when they are rocked in the arms of their parents or when they fall asleep in their parent’s beds.

Anthropologists do not see this as dysfunctional. They remind us of one thing: Babies are governed by a vital survival instinct. They see being away from their mother’s skin as a threat. Therefore, they feel scared and vulnerable when left alone.

It is a normal process. Little by little their nervous systems and brains will establish new connections and mature in order to conquer all of those fears. There will come a day when they will prefer their own bed. They will no longer need your closeness to feel safe.

However, until then, the best medicine for them is love and patience.

You don’t mind giving up your privacy, your independence

Some people might tell you that you are “spoiling” your child. They might even say that co-sleeping will cause your child to be insecure, that attending to all of their cries will make them permanently dependent…

They may say this and a lot more, however, keep in mind the following aspects:

  • Science has brought up some incorrect ideas in the past. Let us recall for example, the great value that until not too many years ago was granted to the Estivill Method.
  • Parents must trust their instincts. You should consult your pediatrician whenever your have doubts. However, no one has the right to judge how you raise your children.

We love sharing these moments alone with them. Feeling their respiration, letting them fall asleep on our chests… We no longer care about the late hours. We only care about our children and making sure that they are not lacking anything.


These moments that we get to spend alone with them are a stage that passes quickly: Enjoy it

Whether we want or not, there will come a time when this magical intimacy will give way to another stage.

After they take their first steps and utter their first words come the years of curiosity. The stage where they want to touch and feel everything. One day they will jump out of your arms to go and play with their friends, to discover the world and to grow.

Children grow fast, but these moments stay in our memories forever. Therefore, don’t hesitate: enjoy every second and every breath you spend with your baby alone.

All those days will undoubtedly leave their marks. Marks on your hearts and pillars of security, trust and affection in the brain of your children. This will help them to grow up happy, healthy and strong.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.