Keys for the School Bully's Parents

Nowadays, school bullying is more common than it used to be. We've found techniques to help the victims. However, it's also very important to help the bully eliminate their bad behavior.
Keys for the School Bully's Parents

Last update: 08 January, 2021

School bullying is a major concern among parents and teachers, since it has become more common in recent years. In this article, you’ll find keys for the school bully’s parents.

Frequently, we find articles aimed at helping the victims of bullying. However, it’s equally important to work with the bullies in order to eliminate their bad behavior. On many occasions, these children use aggression as a means to relate to other people. And, we should do our best to stop that.

How can the school bully’s parents detect their child is bullying

Bullying is complicated to detect, since victims usually keep silent about it. So, we tend to focus on finding victims and analyzing their characteristics. In contrast, here we’ll talk about certain traits that most bullies share:

Keys for the School Bully's Parents
  • They usually lack empathy and moral reasoning; they don’t put themselves in the other person’s shoes and don’t understand the pain they cause.
  • They have low tolerance towards frustration and they’re very impulsive.
  • They use violence and strength to do anything. Frequently, they’re in the middle of confrontations, and they make fun of their classmates.
  • They relate to others through submission and dominance.
  • They aren’t capable of solving conflicts, which is why they use violence instead.
  • They don’t have boundaries and they have no respect for the rules, no matter where they are.
  • They don’t take responsibility for their actions and they don’t understand the seriousness of their actions. They aren’t self-critical.
  • They usually use violence to call for attention, in order to compensate for previous times in which they’ve felt excluded.

If children share these characteristics, it doesn’t mean they’ll become bullies – however, the chances are higher. So, if your children have any of these traits, pay close attention to them, and if needed, ask for professional help.

What can the school bully’s parents do in order to help their child?

As it’s difficult to notice when children are victims of bullying, it’s also difficult to detect the bully. Thus, both cases are problematic for parents. That’s why it’s important to prevent these situations from their early ages, by teaching them moral values.

If you’re the parent of a school bully, you might feel guilty, and this may prevent you from thinking clearly. This feeling of guilt can lead you into denial (you don’t believe your child is a bully). However, you must redirect your thoughts in order to change the situation.

What can you do if your child is the bully?

  • You have to collaborate with the educational institution. Talk to the teachers, be interested in what happens, and ask for help in the counselling department.
  • Make your children understand that they have to be responsible for their actions and that these actions have consequences. Don’t ever blame the teachers or other people. And, when they’re ready, tell your children to apologize.
  • Don’t stand by their bad behaviors and don’t blame others. This will only make things worse.
  • Find out the cause of their bad behavior. There aren’t good or bad children; there are children that behave badly. Since these behaviors must be corrected, you may visit a psychologist for help.
Keys for the School Bully's Parents
  • Promote an environment built on trust and communication, so they can express their feelings and you can talk to each other freely.
  • When aggression appears, try to redirect their feelings into something more positive. For example, you can take them to practice a sport or any other activity you think they might enjoy.
  • Try to make them understand that bullying is unacceptable and explain to them the consequences it entails.

In conclusion, it’s difficult for parents to see that their children are the bullies. It brings pain and suffering to the family. But, you have to face it calmly and help your children learn positive behavior.

Furthermore, remember that you’re not alone and there are many professionals ready to help you get through this situation. Cheer up! You’re not guilty of anything.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.