The Importance of Being a Flexible Mom
Having a child is a big responsibility. That’s why, in order to offer their little ones the best conditions in which to grow up, mothers try to be informed about the different parenting guidelines and styles. They read, consult with experts, and try to improve every day. However, being too demanding can lead them to not enjoy their motherhood. This is why we want to remind you of the importance of being a flexible mom.
There’s no doubt that childhood is a crucial stage in the development of personality. What a child experiences and learns during their early years will largely determine how they’ll think, feel, and act in the future. Because of this, we understand that you want to get it right. However, it’s important to remember that parenting isn’t like programming a robot: We’re people who take care of other people, so we can’t forget this human component.
So, if you feel that you’re constantly under pressure in your work as a mother, if you think that what you do is never enough, or if rigidity interferes in your relationship with your children, we invite you to keep reading.
Why do you need to be a flexible mom?
It’s great that mothers are informed and committed to their work in education. It’s wonderful that they want to provide their children with order and structure and that they strive to apply the most appropriate parenting guidelines. However, being flexible is a must. So here’s why.
Life with children changes
If you’re a person with a tendency to perfectionism and order, having children can be an extra challenge for you. From the time they arrive in this world, you’ll inevitably find that routines change, schedules are modified, and perfect organization isn’t possible.
A baby is very demanding and this means that adults have to adjust to their varying schedules of sleep, hunger, and need for contact. It’ll also be impossible to always have an organized and spotless house. This will also happen as the infant grows up, as children are spontaneous, energetic, and somewhat chaotic.
Emotions need space
It’s essential to remember that when it comes to educating, children’s emotions occupy a predominant place. They must be listened to, tended to, and managed by adults, which requires space and time. Strict plans won’t keep tantrums and anger from arising in our children. In those moments, prioritize staying calm, validating the child, and helping them to regulate himself again, even if this means altering or delaying what you had planned.
Likewise, children don’t feel the same every day. There will be times when they’re tired, sleepy, hungry, lazy, or unmotivated. Therefore, their willingness to obey or cooperate won’t always be the same. Therefore, it’s important to be sensitive to their sensations and needs and to know how to adapt at all times. A home can’t function like a military barracks.
Each age requires adjustments
In addition, it’s worth mentioning that parenting practices should be adapted to each stage of the child’s life. Perhaps, with young children, offering clear rules and being very directive works, but adolescents demand more independence and autonomy, so they may rebel against direct impositions.
Likewise, there are stages in which it’s especially necessary for children to feel listened to and to perceive that they have some decision-making capacity. For example, between the ages of 2 and 4, tantrums tend to appear to the degree that they’re not allowed to exercise some control over their own lives. Something as simple as giving them a choice between two t-shirts or two fruits can prevent a tantrum from breaking out.
You deserve to enjoy yourself, too
Finally, flexibility shouldn’t only apply to your children, but also to yourself. Many mothers are excessively self-demanding. Therefore, they blame themselves for every little mistake they make or don’t allow themselves to tend to their own needs and emotions in order to sacrifice for their children.
So, practice self-compassion, take time for yourself, and understand that you’re also learning to be a mother and don’t need to be perfect. Talking to yourself with love and indulgence will improve your mood and allow you to face parenting with better disposition and motivation.
It can be challenging to be a flexible mom, but it brings great rewards
We know that it’s not easy to let our guard down, to allow ourselves to err, or to step out of those molds and guidelines that, many times, more than suggestions, seem like impositions. However, remember to follow your instinct, take each day in stride, and allow yourself to enjoy your motherhood.
Being flexible will make the dynamics in your home lighter and more harmonious, thus reducing the weight of that emotional backpack that many mothers carry. This doesn’t imply erasing limits, avoiding rules, or being a permissive mother, but finding a balance between order, unforeseen events, discipline, and daily enjoyment. Undoubtedly, being a flexible mom will be a very beneficial change for the whole family.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Butcher, P. R., Kalverboer, A. F., Minderaa, R. B., Doormaal, E. F., et al. (1993). Rigidity, sensitivity and quality of attachment: The role of maternal rigidity in the early socio-emotional development of premature infants. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 88(375, Suppl), 38.
- Lichtwarck-Aschoff, A., Kunnen, S. E., & van Geert, P. L. C. (2009). Here we go again: A dynamic systems perspective on emotional rigidity across parent–adolescent conflicts. Developmental Psychology, 45(5), 1364–1375