My Daughter Is Too Young to Have Her First Boyfriend

In the blink of an eye, our children grow up and new worries begin. Do you think your daughter's too young to have her first boyfriend?
My Daughter Is Too Young to Have Her First Boyfriend
María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez.

Written by Gladys González

Last update: 27 December, 2022

We’ve all heard the phrase “small kids = small problems; big kids = big problems”. This is true when time goes by so fast; in the blink of an eye, our children are grown up and other concerns begin to appear. What if your daughter tells you that she’s dating someone or wants to start? Do you think she’s too young to have her first boyfriend?

During adolescence, it’s normal to hear things like”mommy, daddy, at school there’s a boy I really like and he wants to be my boyfriend.” And it’s then when we start to feel that the world has conspired against us and we don’t know how to act.

Faced with such situations, we often don’t even know how to respond, rather, we feel uncomfortable and uneasy about these new feelings that our children begin to experience, even though they are completely natural.

As parents, we have an important task and that’s to teach our daughters from a very young age that it’s normal at certain times to feel attraction for boys and that this is part of growing up.

Female Adolescence

When girls reach the stage of adolescence, they begin to experience important and noticeable changes, which include:

  • Stages of rebellion. They tend to be vulnerable with their feelings and thoughts, especially when they don’t have good communication with mom and dad at home.
  • Menstrual development. With this process, there are significant changes in the girl’s body, breast enlargement, pubic hair, acne, mood swings, etc.
  • Relationships with people around her. In the adolescent stage, friendships are selected based on similar activities and tastes.

These changes occur in all girls and none will be the exception. However, what can happen is that some develop these changes earlier than others.

Is it really her first boyfriend or not?

Two pre-teen boys smiling.

On many occasions, we must learn to define the term “boyfriend”, as in some cases, it means much less than we think.

Maybe your daughter just wants to give that connotation to a special friend and there’s nothing to worry about. In the same way, communication will be essential at this time in order to ensure that the situation is totally harmless.

Mothers worry about the intentions of teenagers to the point of turning things into a headache. Just by imagining other scenarios, we fear for the integrity of our daughters.

Communication and zero social paradigms are fundamental keys to discussing the topic of boyfriends with our daughters.

Communication: The only key to success

A mother worrying about her daughter's first boyfriend.

It may happen that at some point, your daughter tells you; “I have my first boyfriend” or asks “can I have a boyfriend?” and that’s when you wonder what you can really do.

Communication and trust between parents and daughters will avoid any uncomfortable or unwanted situation, talking about sexuality, responsibility, awareness, and respect frequently will allow the girls at home to understand what we’re afraid of.

The situation may be unpleasant for you but you must approach it with intelligence. Here, we’ll give you some recommendations:

  • Immediately establish a conversation, without using tones of complaint or discontent. It’s natural for you not to like the news but you must seek closeness and not distance. The more opposition you show, the greater the rebellion will be.
  • Show that you’re interested in the subject, in your child’s feelings, in knowing who the person is, and thus be able to provide sound advice to make the conversation flow and increase confidence.
  • Talk openly about everything there is to know about starting a dating relationship at a young age. You must be clear on the subject of sexuality: The consequences of unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. It’s important to make a subtle emphasis on the importance of living the beautiful experiences of adolescence, making it clear that it’s probably too early to get involved in a relationship.
  • If a dating relationship is involved. It’s important to discuss and reach agreements in which simple rules and conditions are determined. Your daughter should feel freedom in the midst of the rules, preventing her from feeling imprisoned in her own home. It’s important that she understands that only trust and respect will facilitate a harmonious relationship for the environment in general.

In your eyes, your daughter will always be too young to have her first boyfriend and you’ll see her as that untouchable princess. However, only by accepting all the stages of her growth will you be able to avoid behavioral problems and later consequences.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.